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help on accidentally using the wrong tone and upsetting people?

NAS66941

so like with the whole lockdown going on ive been a lot more stressed

this has led to me doing this thing a lot more where i accidentally use the wrong tone when speaking and come across as angry or annoyed and this upsets the other person bc they havent done anything and then im upset and its this big cycle

what makes it worse is when i feel myself getting worn out i try and purposefully sound more chipper but apparently i just sound even more sarcastic/annoyed!

if anyone else goes through similar things and has some advice id much appreciate it!

  • Hi only speak to those you have to/may bump into in future and just be as honest as possible with them. the decent ones will get it

  • Hey, I CAN RELATE! 

    Maybe take some time for yourself to calm down and think things over. Make sure you go and speak to the person you unintentionally hurt. 

    Have a conversation with people you are on daily contact with and tell them that you are not trying to be rude. 

    Hope it helps, GOOD LUCK!!

  • Hi there

    I always think honesty helps. Perhaps you could say how it is for you?

    I am feeling stressed / worn out, scared at the moment and it impacts my speech. Please don't be offended if I sound off.

    I would appreciate talking.

    Actually talking it out might help you?

    My tone changes when I am tired, stressed, scared, angry. I have found practicing mindfulness, being in the present moment and noticing my sensory world, how it is for me, helps me. Being in the now helps me stop worrying about the past and future. I can become aware of unpleasant feelings I am having and this can drive worry, need to change it. I have a number of go to activities that help. Someone I trust that I can tell I am in need of venting, go for a walk, swim, music helps too or meditation.

  • it happens to me all the time. And NT tend to speak to me even more angry or annoyed... i try to explain but they turn their backs on me. Until people are educated about ASD we will have a lonely time. Always misunderstood . Sometimes i wish i ware a t shirt saying "I am autistic" so that people could understand that my wrong tone doesn't mean arrogance.

  • I'm always being accused of using the wrong tone - I always sound the same to myself so I've no idea what changes.    I wonder if the listener's emotional state taints what they hear?   It only seems to be a problem when the listener is emotional - and I don't really 'do' emotions.

  • Hi, thanks for posting this. It's me in a nutshell. Summed it up brilliantly. Sorry I'm not replying to add advice, but I'm cheering you on at the sidelines!