Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello, does anyone struggle to understand their mother's behaviour and wonder if she is autistic, or narcissistic? I have ptsd from my mother's screaming and yelling fits in childhood. The thing is, recently I went to a therapist who suggested she is narcissistic, covert type. However I have aspergers and I really wonder how a mother with Aspergers might appear if she had ptsd herself and no autisn diagnosis due to masking her whole life and being born in the 1940s. How could you tell the difference between the notoriously difficult to spot covert narcissist mother, and a mother with Aspergers and ptsd and possible depression? Mood swings, difficulties with empathy, meltdowns, yelling, blame shifting, really hurtful lnsensitive comments, raging if criticised or perceived to be being criticised, different masks or persons, etc etc how would one ever know? I'm looking for anyone with experience in their own lives with this please, I'm interested to hear about your narcissistic OR autistic mom. Thanks a lot.
Hi ILOVEDOGS
'Mood swings, difficulties with empathy, meltdowns, yelling, blame shifting, really hurtful lnsensitive comments, raging if criticised or perceived to be being criticised, different masks or persons, etc etc how would one ever know?'
You could be describing my mum too!! She was diagnosed at age 62 with autism and I've also had a lot of therapy to deal with my childhood experiences with her. I spent many years believing her to be narcissistic until I met my now husband who after spending some time with her suggested that she could be autistic and she decided to get a diagnosis so she can now say 'Its not my fault, it's because I'm autistic, you have to let me off etc etc' .. Lol
I've sometimes wondered if she has a pathological demand avoidance profile but I don't believe it is currently diagnosed outside of autism.
And my mother too, she was born in 1946.
This reminds me a lot of my mother, she was diagnosed with autism a few years ago and has basically everything you've just said on the dot. She also tends to say that it's her autism in order to excuse herself from blame, I've thought about her having a pathological demand avoidance profile too. I love her a lot but it can be really draining sometimes, especially since I suspect that I'm neurodivergent too but haven't seeked a formal diagnosis yet
Never heard of pathological demand avoidance but it fits my mother to a T. Thank you! I am struggling to understand my childhood and we have very similar experiences from what you wrote and all the other people too. Wish you much luck on your healing journey too!