Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello, does anyone struggle to understand their mother's behaviour and wonder if she is autistic, or narcissistic? I have ptsd from my mother's screaming and yelling fits in childhood. The thing is, recently I went to a therapist who suggested she is narcissistic, covert type. However I have aspergers and I really wonder how a mother with Aspergers might appear if she had ptsd herself and no autisn diagnosis due to masking her whole life and being born in the 1940s. How could you tell the difference between the notoriously difficult to spot covert narcissist mother, and a mother with Aspergers and ptsd and possible depression? Mood swings, difficulties with empathy, meltdowns, yelling, blame shifting, really hurtful lnsensitive comments, raging if criticised or perceived to be being criticised, different masks or persons, etc etc how would one ever know? I'm looking for anyone with experience in their own lives with this please, I'm interested to hear about your narcissistic OR autistic mom. Thanks a lot.
Maybe give this article a read perhaps:
https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/narcissism-vs-aspergers-how-can-i-tell-the-difference-1114174
Thanks, I've tried that actually, it was interesting but I just thought it was a bit lacking nuance, I need the nuance with this one! For instance does my mother do silent treatment or is she just silent because she cannot speak or does not know what to say. I don't have the answer. Certainly I go silent if I am overloaded, I cannot compute anymore. This has been seen as silent treatment by her!!! She could be doing the same.... Just don't know.
ILOVEDOGS said:Thanks, I've tried that actually, it was interesting but I just thought it was a bit lacking nuance, I need the nuance with this one!
Of course, one type of diagnostic criteria next to another type of diagnostic criteria will always lack nuance, but basically with Asperger’s Syndrome in general ~ we are Self-centric as being more personally oriented, whilst Narcissists are Ego-centric as being more socially oriented.
ILOVEDOGS said:For instance does my mother do silent treatment or is she just silent because she cannot speak or does not know what to say. I don't have the answer.
The silent treatment with a narcissist normally involves it being a calculation involving an intended objective, or it being a predation involving a watched or waited for opportunity ~ in order to unsettle people and empower themselves. Emotional blackmail basically.
ILOVEDOGS said:Certainly I go silent if I am overloaded, I cannot compute anymore. This has been seen as silent treatment by her!!!
Your mother seems as such to have been ‘projecting’ or making a ‘projection’, in the sense that she imagined you to have been doing as she would been doing if the roles were reversed. It could also or else be a projection based on other’s behaviour as such in the past.
ILOVEDOGS said:She could be doing the same.... Just don't know.
It may depend on if or how she uses the silent treatment as a control drama.
ILOVEDOGS said:My pa is a very overt narcissist.
Do you mean by 'pa' your 'father' perchance?
Deepthought said: we are Self-centric as being more personally oriented, whilst Narcissists are Ego-centric as being more socially oriented.
I will think about this further
Deepthought said:Emotional blackmail basically
Yes, I just don't know if it is, I cannot tell or surmise at all, could be either intentional or not.
Deepthought said: It could also or else be a projection based on other’s behaviour as such in the past
Yes, I always thought it was this rather than coming from in internal projection. My pa is a very overt narcissist.
Deepthought said:It may depend on if or how she uses the silent treatment as a control drama.
Yes, I just cannot work it out, does she or is she genuinely upset? I don't know because her emotional expression is quite strange. It could be aspergers masking to look normal but not quite managing, or it could be faking emotions for control and a reaction. I cannot work it out. Either way she comes across as faking something, but I just don't know if she's acting out an elaborate power play or if she's trying to look neuritypical while struggling to cope, this coming across vaguely unbelievable in some way.