Hi everyone!
(Apologies in advance if this isn't the right forum to be posting this, but I don't really qualify as a parent or a carer)
Just here to seek advise for how to best talk candidly with my best friend, who has been diagnosed high functioning autism / aspergers. I guess I don't have one single question, so I'm going to lay out the situation, and if anyone feels that there's more that could be done, or change the way I approach something let me know.
He masks the fact and consequences of his autism, which can make it difficult to identify when he's feeling low or struggling. After recently coming out and telling me that despite appearances he's not doing well, I try to check up on him every day just to ask how he's coping, but I'm worried that it seems that it looks like I'm just going through the motions with him (like, if I just ask "how're you feeling" every day on a loop, it'll just seem disingenuous, like I'm trying to placate him).
Moreover, when he does voice genuine concerns, it's good that he's opening up, but I'm worried that I'm unprepared to offer any meaningful advice for him. I hope that simply being able to talk at someone about his concerns helps him. I'll respond to that with leading questions, which again, could seem a little dishonest too; like I'm trying to turn the conversation into a couch therapy session ("how does that make you feel"), but I don't want him to think he's not being listened to, or that I've switched off and don't care. I know enough not to try and invoke a false sense of empathy with him, I'm not (knowingly) autistic, and trying to make out that I've experienced what he goes through is at best an empty platitude and at worst could actually serve to cheapen the struggles he's going through.
The way he masks his autism is, (as I understand it), impulsive, subconscious and/or inhibitive; something he does passively, not actively, but leads to burnouts all the same. The most I've been able to do is reassure him that he doesn't have to mask around me, and give him carte blanche to effectively cut off socialising and recharge for however long it takes, but I'm aware that the former misses the overall point that he's not masking deliberately, and the latter is purely a reactive measure.
Sorry to unload on you all like this, but I feel like there's more to be done to help, although I'm not sure what else I can do for him other than continue to listen. If my friends situation resonates with any of you, is there anything your friends do (or wish your friends would do)? Is there anything wrong or missing with the way I've been trying to help?