Published on 12, July, 2020
It's dawned on me in the last day or two that I have some form of facial blindness. The people who assessed me don't know this and I'd never thought about this before.
* I bumped into an acquaintance at the supermarket. It took me a couple of seconds to recognise her, which made my conversation awkward. We both kind of went our own ways after me mumbling something like "I'm just doing a bit of shopping". It is odd that I didn't immediately recognise her as she is quite distinctive looking.
* I'm reading a book on ASD and the writer said something about facial recognition difficulty. I always put this down to my bad eyesight, but I realised last night that if I see someone out of context, I'm slow to twig who they are. This looks strange to other people, and I don't always know what to say. I think it probably looks hostile or aloof.
Here's the weird thing. I do remember a lot of people's faces, but not always when I need to. I spotted an actor in "Elementary" was the hippie in "Withnail and I". I spotted a woman in church and knew she was a journalist, because her picture appears in the paper.
But then I bump into someone I was at school with in a strange town, and I don't recognise them.
Once or twice I have looked at someone to see if it's someone I knew, and people have taken it the wrong way.
Tonight I was on a date and I had to look around the room.at least twice to find her, even though she was right in front of me.
I really struggle with this! recently bumped into someone from work (outside of work) and didn't recognise him out of context, even after he'd spoken to me, walked over to me, and asked how I was. It took way too long to twig who he was and he was really noticeable (I'd actually tried to walk away - I get approached by lots of people asking for money/trying to sell me something in the city where I work!). When I worked in customer service, I used to get customers shouting at me because I didn't remember them by name, even though they used to come in on a regular basis. I just don't seem to have a memory for faces.
I've also looked at people to check if they're someone I know, then had an awkward look back from them before I realise they're a stranger.
It also takes me ages to locate my friends in a bar/restaurant - sometimes, they tell me I "looked right through them" several times.
Like you said, I do remember some people better than others, but not always for a significant reason (sometimes, I haven't seen them in years and didn't even know them that well back then).
I'm very glad it's not just me :)
How did the date go?
My date is a nice woman. I don't think we have romantic feelings for each other but I always enjoy spending time with her, and I think she enjoyed it too. We had to move pubs because the first one was too noisy.
Honestly, the facial recognition thing has floored me more than my recent ASD diagnosis. This never factored into the diagnosis at all, but it really upsets me, more than the ASD diagnosis itself because it is so unexpected, and I don't know how to handle it. How can I live for several decades and not spot this?
I really don't get the whole thing at all. I can memorise hundreds of faces, and recognise them in the right context, but I see someone I've known for ten years in the supermarket, but haven't seen recently and it takes a few seconds to click.
When you're a male, it is not a good idea to stare at certain men. Yet sometimes I look at someone to see if I recognise them and they will take it as a challenge or even try and start a fight!
It's good that you enjoyed your time together
It's easy to be really hard on yourself when you have realisations like this, but it isn't your fault and you're not doing anything wrong. Also, how can you spot something if it's always been the norm for you? I think that's also a factor in why it takes some people (like me) many years to recognise that they might be autistic. We're used to experiencing things in our own way, and unless we start talking about it/comparing ourselves to non-autistic people, we don't necessarily recognise our traits as being different.
The potential fight situation doesn't sound good, but perhaps there are ways to avoid staring. Sometimes, if I think I've seen someone I know but don't feel comfortable looking again, I'll act completely oblivious and wait for them to approach me (they usually don't).