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Fighting a loosing bettle help pls

mum of 4 boys

Hi I was so relieved when my son was diagnosed with autism and adhd, considering when he was 18months old I asked my health visitor if he was autistic. It has  been a very very long road to diagnosis.

His psychiatrist diagnosed him then refered him to tier 2 cahms, he has recieved no help from anyone but the school since diagnoses. One night he was having a very major meltdown and he was swearing badly at me whilst crying and I think it was tears because he didn't want to be saying these things to me but couldn't control himself. He then started talking about self harm and comiting suicide, I was beside myself with worry and didn't quite know where to turn, I opted to call social care and ask them for help for him, I explained everything to her and whe said.... Oh it sounds awful poor you, anyway its half past 5 and there is nobody in the office I will pass on the message tomorrow. I couldn't believe my ears, she gave me no advice and didn't suggest who to contact. I called the police, the doctors and others I could think of, by that time he had worked himself up into such a frenzy he was exhausted and fell asleep. I spoke to Bucks carers the next day who called social care for me and also his psychiatrist, who informed her that he was refered to tier 2 cams rather than tier 3 because he showed no signs of his autism effecting his mental health. Now I have told her about his suicidal thoughts and his anger and his meltdown and the fact that the following day after a meltdown he suffers with terrible stomache aches and headaches ect. Could you pass on your oppinions as to whether I should be pushing for him to be placed in teir 3 and actually recieve help or was she right to put him in tier 2, and what is the difference between the two. I feel like I am fighting a loosing battle and any and all advice would be very much appreciated xx ty

Parents

  • crystal12 said:

    hi mum of 4 boys - this sounds awful for you all.   You didn't get any help when you needed it more.  Social services depts have an Emergency Duty Team which is supposed to deal with "out of hours" calls.  I think camhs should at the least be reassessing your son's case.  You can complain to the hospital's PALS service if you don't already know that.  They should investigate your complaint + keep in touch with you. That's the way it's supposed to work.  I hope you don't mind me asking, but could you tell us a bit more about your son then perhaps users of the site could volunteer more suggestions.  Things like his age, type of school he attends, what can really upset him.  bw

    Thank you for your replies, thank you happy days for explaining the difference in the tiers, it seems tier 3 should be where we should be.

    Hi christal12 I didn't know about any out of hrs service, though I assumed there should hve been one. My son is 14, his biggest issues just now are angry ourbursts which are verbaly abusive and have a few times been physicaly abusive toward either my or his dad, these meltdown end in his refusing to go to school the next day and believe me he means it to. He also threatens self harm or suicide because he says he is the one with autism therefore if he wasn't here problem solved. He has a major sleep issue it can take him till 2-3 in the morning to get to sleep and then he is tired next day and often refuses to get up for school and if he does go he is very late. He has an almost complete intollerence of his siblings, he can't stand being around them and won't tollerate them trying to communicate with him, this is a major issue being as I only have a 3 bed house so he has to share with this closest brother who is 12.

    He doesn't socialise or relate to peers at school, he won't go out and socialise he spends all his time in his room. How do I explain his relationship with his pplaystation, to everyone else a playstation is just a games consol, and a time limit should be placed on children's use of it, to my sn the playstation is his way of communication with others, as he goes on games where he can use an ear piece and speak to other players, he has made some friends on there and I think he finds it easier to communicate over the playstation because he has no face to face contact, nor any body language to deal with. The issue here is that he has to share it with his brother so every other day we have very very difficult issues to deal with, anger, meltdowns fights he picks with his siblings. My interpretation is that take away his playststion and you take away his ability to communicate and spend time with others. I hope I am making sense here. He has problems with me specifically and accuses me as being in the wrong for having more children after him, he thinks he should be an only child and asks me what was I thinking having more children. He has 3 younger brothers, 12 yrs 7 yrs and 6 yrs. There are other less major issues which cause anger or outbursts and sometimes we never do find out what caused it. His school put in place all the recommendations made by his psychiatrist and he has great support there, but we need support at home too, and he needs help with these issues which cause him so much distress. I want to get help with reintergrating him (if possible) into the family and encourage him to spend more time with us, but I don't think that would be possible from this angry n stressed state, am I right in thinking that we need to get help for the other issues first. Thanks for reading n helping any more help n advice welcome and needed xx

Reply

  • crystal12 said:

    hi mum of 4 boys - this sounds awful for you all.   You didn't get any help when you needed it more.  Social services depts have an Emergency Duty Team which is supposed to deal with "out of hours" calls.  I think camhs should at the least be reassessing your son's case.  You can complain to the hospital's PALS service if you don't already know that.  They should investigate your complaint + keep in touch with you. That's the way it's supposed to work.  I hope you don't mind me asking, but could you tell us a bit more about your son then perhaps users of the site could volunteer more suggestions.  Things like his age, type of school he attends, what can really upset him.  bw

    Thank you for your replies, thank you happy days for explaining the difference in the tiers, it seems tier 3 should be where we should be.

    Hi christal12 I didn't know about any out of hrs service, though I assumed there should hve been one. My son is 14, his biggest issues just now are angry ourbursts which are verbaly abusive and have a few times been physicaly abusive toward either my or his dad, these meltdown end in his refusing to go to school the next day and believe me he means it to. He also threatens self harm or suicide because he says he is the one with autism therefore if he wasn't here problem solved. He has a major sleep issue it can take him till 2-3 in the morning to get to sleep and then he is tired next day and often refuses to get up for school and if he does go he is very late. He has an almost complete intollerence of his siblings, he can't stand being around them and won't tollerate them trying to communicate with him, this is a major issue being as I only have a 3 bed house so he has to share with this closest brother who is 12.

    He doesn't socialise or relate to peers at school, he won't go out and socialise he spends all his time in his room. How do I explain his relationship with his pplaystation, to everyone else a playstation is just a games consol, and a time limit should be placed on children's use of it, to my sn the playstation is his way of communication with others, as he goes on games where he can use an ear piece and speak to other players, he has made some friends on there and I think he finds it easier to communicate over the playstation because he has no face to face contact, nor any body language to deal with. The issue here is that he has to share it with his brother so every other day we have very very difficult issues to deal with, anger, meltdowns fights he picks with his siblings. My interpretation is that take away his playststion and you take away his ability to communicate and spend time with others. I hope I am making sense here. He has problems with me specifically and accuses me as being in the wrong for having more children after him, he thinks he should be an only child and asks me what was I thinking having more children. He has 3 younger brothers, 12 yrs 7 yrs and 6 yrs. There are other less major issues which cause anger or outbursts and sometimes we never do find out what caused it. His school put in place all the recommendations made by his psychiatrist and he has great support there, but we need support at home too, and he needs help with these issues which cause him so much distress. I want to get help with reintergrating him (if possible) into the family and encourage him to spend more time with us, but I don't think that would be possible from this angry n stressed state, am I right in thinking that we need to get help for the other issues first. Thanks for reading n helping any more help n advice welcome and needed xx

Children
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