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Is this autism or something else?

Tic

Hi there!

please excuse what is probably a topic already done to death by many other people here but my middle son, Jake, is currently under investigation for possible ASD and has been for the last year. He is 3 with the following things which were flagged by specialists at various stages:

  • little language (he has echolalia - both immediate and delayed)
  • very aggressive
  • obsessive behaviour
  • cannot play with others
  • cannot play with toys
  • spends most of his time looking at things very closely
  • throws stuff
  • screams a lot
  • cannot follow instructions at times
  • does not understand most of what is said to him
  • shows no interest in others
  • obsessed with motion such as vehicles, water pouring, sand timers etc
  • reacts violently to controlled environments where he is not in charge
  • eats very little - incredibly particular about foods and if they touch each other
  • can only express wants/needs - does not engage in two-way conversation ever
  • cannot count or respond to questions
  • does not recognise his own name at times
  • cannot distunguish people in photos
  • cannot distinguish between people with similar hair e.g. every blonde girl is "elle", his sister's friend and everyone with dark hair is his sister
  • has to do things in a particular order and gets very upset and violent if this does not happen
  • will tolerate the dentist but not doctors, nurses, hair dressers or having his shoes fitted
  • has no concept of safety - either his own or other people's
  • does not interpret emotions in others
  • harms self regularly

That list is not exhaustive but I figured it was long enough to start with. We've been to all different kinds of people (most of which say they don't know what to do or how to help him as he's so uncooperative) and I'm waiting on the local psychology team to meet him later this month and hopefully make some suggestions as to what, if anything, is wrong with him. Does this sound like ASD or something else entirely?

I don't know - no one is really saying anything definite but they keep throwing autism out there as the only option they are considering. I've got no problem with a diagnosis being made, it's more what if there is nothing wrong with him and I'm stuck with a lovely but very limited little boy who may not improve ever. Either that or I've dropped the ball completely with him and I'm a terrible parent... Cry

Parents

  • Can't believe you have been waiting a year. That is shocking particularly when early intervention is known to be very effective.  For me appointment with GP to final diagnosis took about 10 weeks.  Perhaps we were lucky! Most of it seemed to be about what we told them anyway rather than observation because my son is fairly uncooperative as well. Much of what you say sounds like my son but Jake seems to have better language and worse meltdowns. 

    In case it helps, stuff that has helped us:

    Understanding that he is not being bad or difficult, some things are absolutely unbearable for him, gloves, doors left open, sudden changes in direction, etc etc even if they seem trivial to me.

    Trying to structure his day so he knows what is coming and giving him lots of warning when things are changing. Is it bath time, Is it bath time for about 5 minutes before I expect him to get in the bath. Typically processing is slow.  Parts of the brain don't communicate well with each other.

    Letting him do the things that make him happy, as long as he isn't in danger.  My neighbours may not like all their gates being closed at 730 in the morning and it may take ages to get down the road but I pick my battles, this one doesn't come close to being something I'm prepared to fight over or risk his distress.

    We have only a few rules which we are really strict about. Eg  He cleans his teeth. Because for him tooth decay would mean a general anaesthetic.  This took 3 months.

    We try to focus on one or two things at a time, the most important things

    I would try to get in touch with other parents in person as well, perhaps through a local NAS group.  It is SUCH a relief to meet other people that don't make you feel as if you live on another planet.

Reply

  • Can't believe you have been waiting a year. That is shocking particularly when early intervention is known to be very effective.  For me appointment with GP to final diagnosis took about 10 weeks.  Perhaps we were lucky! Most of it seemed to be about what we told them anyway rather than observation because my son is fairly uncooperative as well. Much of what you say sounds like my son but Jake seems to have better language and worse meltdowns. 

    In case it helps, stuff that has helped us:

    Understanding that he is not being bad or difficult, some things are absolutely unbearable for him, gloves, doors left open, sudden changes in direction, etc etc even if they seem trivial to me.

    Trying to structure his day so he knows what is coming and giving him lots of warning when things are changing. Is it bath time, Is it bath time for about 5 minutes before I expect him to get in the bath. Typically processing is slow.  Parts of the brain don't communicate well with each other.

    Letting him do the things that make him happy, as long as he isn't in danger.  My neighbours may not like all their gates being closed at 730 in the morning and it may take ages to get down the road but I pick my battles, this one doesn't come close to being something I'm prepared to fight over or risk his distress.

    We have only a few rules which we are really strict about. Eg  He cleans his teeth. Because for him tooth decay would mean a general anaesthetic.  This took 3 months.

    We try to focus on one or two things at a time, the most important things

    I would try to get in touch with other parents in person as well, perhaps through a local NAS group.  It is SUCH a relief to meet other people that don't make you feel as if you live on another planet.

Children
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