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Is this autism or something else?

Tic

Hi there!

please excuse what is probably a topic already done to death by many other people here but my middle son, Jake, is currently under investigation for possible ASD and has been for the last year. He is 3 with the following things which were flagged by specialists at various stages:

  • little language (he has echolalia - both immediate and delayed)
  • very aggressive
  • obsessive behaviour
  • cannot play with others
  • cannot play with toys
  • spends most of his time looking at things very closely
  • throws stuff
  • screams a lot
  • cannot follow instructions at times
  • does not understand most of what is said to him
  • shows no interest in others
  • obsessed with motion such as vehicles, water pouring, sand timers etc
  • reacts violently to controlled environments where he is not in charge
  • eats very little - incredibly particular about foods and if they touch each other
  • can only express wants/needs - does not engage in two-way conversation ever
  • cannot count or respond to questions
  • does not recognise his own name at times
  • cannot distunguish people in photos
  • cannot distinguish between people with similar hair e.g. every blonde girl is "elle", his sister's friend and everyone with dark hair is his sister
  • has to do things in a particular order and gets very upset and violent if this does not happen
  • will tolerate the dentist but not doctors, nurses, hair dressers or having his shoes fitted
  • has no concept of safety - either his own or other people's
  • does not interpret emotions in others
  • harms self regularly

That list is not exhaustive but I figured it was long enough to start with. We've been to all different kinds of people (most of which say they don't know what to do or how to help him as he's so uncooperative) and I'm waiting on the local psychology team to meet him later this month and hopefully make some suggestions as to what, if anything, is wrong with him. Does this sound like ASD or something else entirely?

I don't know - no one is really saying anything definite but they keep throwing autism out there as the only option they are considering. I've got no problem with a diagnosis being made, it's more what if there is nothing wrong with him and I'm stuck with a lovely but very limited little boy who may not improve ever. Either that or I've dropped the ball completely with him and I'm a terrible parent... Cry

Parents

  • hi again - I was a single parent for 7 yrs.  Apart from nursery + then a school for children with autism, I could feel very isolated.   Looking back I think I got more without fighting than a lot of parents do now.

    If you have people around you who are unsympathetic to your situation that can be worse in a way because it creates more upset.  You need support.  In my opinion, to be blunt, people who say it's the terrible 2s, or your child is naughty/spoilt etc are totally misreading the situation.  Yes, to those who haven't a clue about asd, that's how it looks.  Then you've got them to deal with as well, or not.  Take it from me, it is such a relief when you talk to people who understand autism.  You get so used to talking to people that don't that in a weird way you almost get used to it.  But when you're with someone who really knows + understands + clicks with what you're saying + is sometimes ahead of what you're saying, then you can feel all the tension evaporating.  At the moment you're in limbo, waiting for a diagnosis (or not), not getting enough support, blaming yourself to a degree, torn between different opinions.  I hope you don't mind me saying that, as it's meant kindly + from the heart, because I've been there myself at times.  You will get support on this site because people will understand.  As you say, a diagnosis of asd is something you can cope with.  I think a parent knows when something's not right.  I did with my son from a few weeks old, altho nobody took me seriously.  2.5 yrs later he was diagnosed with autism.  Trust your instinct + your intelllect.  You are doing your best in a difficult situation, should hold your head up high + stick to your guns.  Hopefully the diagnostic procedure will soon be over + you'll know.  Then you'll have a direction to go in.  Your big worry (it seems to me, sorry if I'm wrong) is that there'll be no diagnosis + you'll be left with the situation you're presently in.  I can understand how upsetting that would be because you need a way forward from that.  Professionals take a long time to diagnose asd because they want to be absolutely sure, so won't say anything until they've gone through loads of stuff, even if they know quite early on.  Quite rightly they don't want to misdiagnose.  Hang in there in the time-being.  There will be lots of people on these boards who are concerned for you.  Keep on posting whenever you want + please let us know how things turn out.  bw 

Reply

  • hi again - I was a single parent for 7 yrs.  Apart from nursery + then a school for children with autism, I could feel very isolated.   Looking back I think I got more without fighting than a lot of parents do now.

    If you have people around you who are unsympathetic to your situation that can be worse in a way because it creates more upset.  You need support.  In my opinion, to be blunt, people who say it's the terrible 2s, or your child is naughty/spoilt etc are totally misreading the situation.  Yes, to those who haven't a clue about asd, that's how it looks.  Then you've got them to deal with as well, or not.  Take it from me, it is such a relief when you talk to people who understand autism.  You get so used to talking to people that don't that in a weird way you almost get used to it.  But when you're with someone who really knows + understands + clicks with what you're saying + is sometimes ahead of what you're saying, then you can feel all the tension evaporating.  At the moment you're in limbo, waiting for a diagnosis (or not), not getting enough support, blaming yourself to a degree, torn between different opinions.  I hope you don't mind me saying that, as it's meant kindly + from the heart, because I've been there myself at times.  You will get support on this site because people will understand.  As you say, a diagnosis of asd is something you can cope with.  I think a parent knows when something's not right.  I did with my son from a few weeks old, altho nobody took me seriously.  2.5 yrs later he was diagnosed with autism.  Trust your instinct + your intelllect.  You are doing your best in a difficult situation, should hold your head up high + stick to your guns.  Hopefully the diagnostic procedure will soon be over + you'll know.  Then you'll have a direction to go in.  Your big worry (it seems to me, sorry if I'm wrong) is that there'll be no diagnosis + you'll be left with the situation you're presently in.  I can understand how upsetting that would be because you need a way forward from that.  Professionals take a long time to diagnose asd because they want to be absolutely sure, so won't say anything until they've gone through loads of stuff, even if they know quite early on.  Quite rightly they don't want to misdiagnose.  Hang in there in the time-being.  There will be lots of people on these boards who are concerned for you.  Keep on posting whenever you want + please let us know how things turn out.  bw 

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