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Newly diagnosed son,aged 3.5

Wolfy

Hi, I'm sorry, I don't know the anacronyms-I'll have to find help or brush up. And before understanding where and how I should post, I put this message under a reply to someone else.  I have had a really kind and helpful reply from Crystal12 and am now posting here - just in case any one else would like to comment, or in case there is any one else out there struggling like me.

My son, who will be 4 in Nov, has just been diagnosed and I just feel grief-stricken.  I am either sad or furious, I feel resentful of people we know, angry at God, and pretty much alone.  My son is the most adorable little baggage, but I feel such loss, loss of my dreams for him and us, wondering if he will ever communicate with us, if he will ever be able to participate in childhood rites of passage like Christmas, building a den with friends, or even not needing nappies.  Mostly I am terribly sad that where I once saw him, I now see ASD.  Does anyone else feel like this?  When will the pain become acceptance?  I feel guilty for seeing symptoms and not my son.

I am looking at various interventions (does everyone do this?) and wonder if anyone has any experience of DIRFloortime or Son-Rise?

Anyhow, you sound like a wonderful community, I wish you much love and happiness with the special children and adults in your lives.

Parents

  • Hey! My son was 4 in June and was diagnosed last November. For the first few months after, I was constantly on the computer googling for all kinds of therapies and any "real life miracle stories" that I could find.  My husband still hasn't accepted it and finds it really difficult to get his head round the fact that our 2 eldest children are fine and our baby isn't.  However, without boring you with all the details of our story, I will say this. I never believed my son would be able to tell me what he wanted for breakfast. I never thought he would use the toilet. I never thought he would fling his arms round his big sisters neck and cuddle her. He does all these things and a lot more. In the last 12 months we have seen a massive progress just by following advice from speech therapy and ensuring we include our son in everything even if we think he may find it hard going. I'll never get over the fact that he has ASD and will probably never live a "normal" life but what I have accepted is that he is a lovely, happy and healthy boy just the way he is. What else can we ask other than hope that our kids are happy whatever their needs are. It's us as parents who feel the grief of not seeing them as excited as others for Christmas, birthdays etc and not our asd children....  they don't give a stuff!! I'm not pretending that it's easy. It's not. Everyday I go through rituals with my son that others think are bonkers. Our whole house is bonkers!!  Anyway, there is a piece of writing that I find really helps. Please google it if you can. It's called "Welcome to Holland" by Emily Perl Kingsley. I read it nearly everyday, especially when I'm feeling a bit down. It puts a whole new perspective of raising a child with special needs. Good luck x

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  • Hey! My son was 4 in June and was diagnosed last November. For the first few months after, I was constantly on the computer googling for all kinds of therapies and any "real life miracle stories" that I could find.  My husband still hasn't accepted it and finds it really difficult to get his head round the fact that our 2 eldest children are fine and our baby isn't.  However, without boring you with all the details of our story, I will say this. I never believed my son would be able to tell me what he wanted for breakfast. I never thought he would use the toilet. I never thought he would fling his arms round his big sisters neck and cuddle her. He does all these things and a lot more. In the last 12 months we have seen a massive progress just by following advice from speech therapy and ensuring we include our son in everything even if we think he may find it hard going. I'll never get over the fact that he has ASD and will probably never live a "normal" life but what I have accepted is that he is a lovely, happy and healthy boy just the way he is. What else can we ask other than hope that our kids are happy whatever their needs are. It's us as parents who feel the grief of not seeing them as excited as others for Christmas, birthdays etc and not our asd children....  they don't give a stuff!! I'm not pretending that it's easy. It's not. Everyday I go through rituals with my son that others think are bonkers. Our whole house is bonkers!!  Anyway, there is a piece of writing that I find really helps. Please google it if you can. It's called "Welcome to Holland" by Emily Perl Kingsley. I read it nearly everyday, especially when I'm feeling a bit down. It puts a whole new perspective of raising a child with special needs. Good luck x

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