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Newly diagnosed son,aged 3.5

Wolfy

Hi, I'm sorry, I don't know the anacronyms-I'll have to find help or brush up. And before understanding where and how I should post, I put this message under a reply to someone else.  I have had a really kind and helpful reply from Crystal12 and am now posting here - just in case any one else would like to comment, or in case there is any one else out there struggling like me.

My son, who will be 4 in Nov, has just been diagnosed and I just feel grief-stricken.  I am either sad or furious, I feel resentful of people we know, angry at God, and pretty much alone.  My son is the most adorable little baggage, but I feel such loss, loss of my dreams for him and us, wondering if he will ever communicate with us, if he will ever be able to participate in childhood rites of passage like Christmas, building a den with friends, or even not needing nappies.  Mostly I am terribly sad that where I once saw him, I now see ASD.  Does anyone else feel like this?  When will the pain become acceptance?  I feel guilty for seeing symptoms and not my son.

I am looking at various interventions (does everyone do this?) and wonder if anyone has any experience of DIRFloortime or Son-Rise?

Anyhow, you sound like a wonderful community, I wish you much love and happiness with the special children and adults in your lives.

Parents

  • Hi Wolfy!

    I can completely relate to the feelings you describe. Our adorable son who is almost 2 1/2 has "provisionally" been diagnosed as being on the autistic spectrum. They say they are 80% sure but we need 2 further consultations before a formal diagnosis and that will take months.

    I have been going out of my mind worrying about what this will mean for him and his future. It felt like a bereavement almost. I have spent so long reading and researching it over the past month since the provisional diagnosis that all I have been seeing is symptoms and signs that he is different. It was ruining my time with him. So - this weekend we went away for the weekend and we took him to Cadburyworld and then to Thomas the tank engine land. He had an amazing weekend as did we and he was so excited. It helped me to realise that he is the same adorable little boy as before and he is so full of life. I have stopped analysing him all of the time and getting upset when he exhibits behaviours that fit the autistic spectrum. I have decided to leave this to the experts and focus on getting him speech therapy and doing all I can to help him on a practical level. My husband (and my mother) are in total denial so that is not helping matters, but the work colleagues I have spoken to have been fantastic. I have also started going to the gym at lunchtimes to help get rid of my anger and frustration and am trying not to look at other boys and comparing him or getting upset for our son.    

    I don't know how this will all pan out for our son or us as a family. I have only just joined this forum and I think it will help to share experiences. I'm still looking at interventions and supplements etc. I don't know of the ones you have referred to. I'll take a look.

    I think we just have to accept that the future is very uncertain and it will be different to what he had expected or planned for, but that doesn't necessarily mean it will be any less fulfilling for your son or your family. I'm still coming to terms with all of this myself. I'm just trying to look at things in a positive way as much as I can (but there are still tears!) I have avoided meeting up with my mum friends so far as I am not ready for that just yet. I will look at their children and analyse and compare too much, I'm sure.

    All the best.

Reply

  • Hi Wolfy!

    I can completely relate to the feelings you describe. Our adorable son who is almost 2 1/2 has "provisionally" been diagnosed as being on the autistic spectrum. They say they are 80% sure but we need 2 further consultations before a formal diagnosis and that will take months.

    I have been going out of my mind worrying about what this will mean for him and his future. It felt like a bereavement almost. I have spent so long reading and researching it over the past month since the provisional diagnosis that all I have been seeing is symptoms and signs that he is different. It was ruining my time with him. So - this weekend we went away for the weekend and we took him to Cadburyworld and then to Thomas the tank engine land. He had an amazing weekend as did we and he was so excited. It helped me to realise that he is the same adorable little boy as before and he is so full of life. I have stopped analysing him all of the time and getting upset when he exhibits behaviours that fit the autistic spectrum. I have decided to leave this to the experts and focus on getting him speech therapy and doing all I can to help him on a practical level. My husband (and my mother) are in total denial so that is not helping matters, but the work colleagues I have spoken to have been fantastic. I have also started going to the gym at lunchtimes to help get rid of my anger and frustration and am trying not to look at other boys and comparing him or getting upset for our son.    

    I don't know how this will all pan out for our son or us as a family. I have only just joined this forum and I think it will help to share experiences. I'm still looking at interventions and supplements etc. I don't know of the ones you have referred to. I'll take a look.

    I think we just have to accept that the future is very uncertain and it will be different to what he had expected or planned for, but that doesn't necessarily mean it will be any less fulfilling for your son or your family. I'm still coming to terms with all of this myself. I'm just trying to look at things in a positive way as much as I can (but there are still tears!) I have avoided meeting up with my mum friends so far as I am not ready for that just yet. I will look at their children and analyse and compare too much, I'm sure.

    All the best.

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