Validating sources of diagnosis and support


I was receiving counselling for burn out and some ca. 2 years into this process my counsellor came out with 'I think you are on the spectrum, but then in my view all men are on the spectrum'.  This didn't seem like the best way to pass on this information and I rejected it and ultimately them as anti-male.  But then I reflected, did the Baren Cohen AQ test and got a score of 37 (Asperger's) and read Philip Wylie's book 'Very Late Diagnosis of AS' and it feels like putting together a jigsaw to explain so much of my life to this point, I'm 47.

I'm married, albeit with gross challenges over the past 6 years, and wish to find a route to better manage my negative behaviours. For me step 1 is seeking a diagnosis to see if I am Asperger's or in any other way neuro-atypical.  My wife (a vet) is deeply sceptical about my self diagnosis so it's really important to her (and me) that if I seek diagnosis I can be sure of the person who does this as I don't want to come out of it with a diagnosis she still doesn't trust.

So what do I look for in terms of qualification, accreditation etc to assure me of the person / organisation I go to for diagnosis?  I will go privately because I cannot wait the expected 12-14 months for the NHS route.

Similarly, what should I look for in a councillor - apart form it to being the person I mentioned at the start of this post!!