Socially isolated

Hi,

I am a 16 year old girl with Asperger's. 16 is a really difficult age with drinking and partying and drugs. I feel very isolated because I do not like alcohol and it messes with my medication but people don't seem to understand that I don't want to. Is it okay to not want to drink? I also don't get invited out to a lot of house parties which is mainly my fault, I am sure if I asked I would be able to go but the idea of spending an evening getting roaringly drunk with people I mainly do no even like does not appeal to me. I feel so left out,  but is it okay to not want to join in and stay at home and not drink or is it sad and pathetic? I get very, very anxious about social things like this, so any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks, Jess x

Parents
  • Hi Jess, I found an old diary in the loft from when I was 15, just s but younger than you. In one of the entries I was really unhappy because I had not been invited to a party at my brother's friend's house. Everyone else seemed to have got an invite. A few days later I was invited and I went wearing far too much make-up and one of my mum's friend's dresses. It was hardly like I was me at all. I remember being in a very crowded room and someone asking me to dance. I was really embarrassed as I had not danced in public much and did not know what to do with my arms and legs. There were some very strange drinks - people were mixing all kinds of things like beer and sparkling wine. The best bit of the whole evening was being out in the garden in the dark with the music not so loud looking up at the stars. Someone gave me some sorrel to eat - it had a bitter but not unpleasant taste - I can remember exactly what it was like now, 43 years later! At the end of the evening everyone except for me was fairly drunk. An older student asked me to dance and by now it was the bit where everyone was doing what we used to call 'smooching' - that is holding each other close and kissing. Although I liked this student a lot because he was part of Friends of the Earth and a vegetarian and had interesting ideas I pushed him away when he tried to kiss me because my brother was watching and it just seemed wrong. Also he had stubble which was too scratchy on my face. After that night he never spoke to me again which made me very sad.

    The reason I am saying all of this is that as a young person I often found myself getting into confusing and sometimes potentially dangerous situations when I was socialising with my peers. I yearned to fit in and do stuff with them but to be honest I felt much more comfortable when I did things like going to art galleries with friends of my parents or spending time on my art work alone in my bedroom. If you do decide to join in with socialising and parties then it is really important that you stay safe. I was only diagnosed as autistic three weeks ago at the age of 58. When I was talking to the psychologist about my life during the assessment it was really upsetting remembering all the times when I had been in dangerous or abusive relationships without realising what was going on. I feel like I have suddenly woken up now that I have more insight into how autism affects my perception and decision making. Be proud to be yourself and when you do go into social situations be mindful of the possible risks, but don't let that stop you from having fun. At one large party I danced outside the marquee alone, barefoot on the grass in the moonlight. I would still rather spend an evening peacefully on my own than at a party. I make the effort to be social sometimes, for the sake of other people, but I don't feel there's anything wrong with being myself and doing things my way.

Reply
  • Hi Jess, I found an old diary in the loft from when I was 15, just s but younger than you. In one of the entries I was really unhappy because I had not been invited to a party at my brother's friend's house. Everyone else seemed to have got an invite. A few days later I was invited and I went wearing far too much make-up and one of my mum's friend's dresses. It was hardly like I was me at all. I remember being in a very crowded room and someone asking me to dance. I was really embarrassed as I had not danced in public much and did not know what to do with my arms and legs. There were some very strange drinks - people were mixing all kinds of things like beer and sparkling wine. The best bit of the whole evening was being out in the garden in the dark with the music not so loud looking up at the stars. Someone gave me some sorrel to eat - it had a bitter but not unpleasant taste - I can remember exactly what it was like now, 43 years later! At the end of the evening everyone except for me was fairly drunk. An older student asked me to dance and by now it was the bit where everyone was doing what we used to call 'smooching' - that is holding each other close and kissing. Although I liked this student a lot because he was part of Friends of the Earth and a vegetarian and had interesting ideas I pushed him away when he tried to kiss me because my brother was watching and it just seemed wrong. Also he had stubble which was too scratchy on my face. After that night he never spoke to me again which made me very sad.

    The reason I am saying all of this is that as a young person I often found myself getting into confusing and sometimes potentially dangerous situations when I was socialising with my peers. I yearned to fit in and do stuff with them but to be honest I felt much more comfortable when I did things like going to art galleries with friends of my parents or spending time on my art work alone in my bedroom. If you do decide to join in with socialising and parties then it is really important that you stay safe. I was only diagnosed as autistic three weeks ago at the age of 58. When I was talking to the psychologist about my life during the assessment it was really upsetting remembering all the times when I had been in dangerous or abusive relationships without realising what was going on. I feel like I have suddenly woken up now that I have more insight into how autism affects my perception and decision making. Be proud to be yourself and when you do go into social situations be mindful of the possible risks, but don't let that stop you from having fun. At one large party I danced outside the marquee alone, barefoot on the grass in the moonlight. I would still rather spend an evening peacefully on my own than at a party. I make the effort to be social sometimes, for the sake of other people, but I don't feel there's anything wrong with being myself and doing things my way.

Children
No Data