Seven years ago I was raped by somebody I thought I could trust, since that incident I have avoided talking about it and refuse to go out with anybody who asks me i.e. a date or to get into an intimate relationship. Admittingly it hasn't been easy for me as prior to what happened I had literally been ping-ponged between services and seeing different mental health professionals. I had been given several diagnoses, everthing from bipolar, depression to borderline personality disorder to schizotypal & schizoid to finally being told more recently my features are indicitive of personality disorder not otherwise specified. That was my 6-7 or something psychiatric opinion!...
Last year my GP referred me to the adult autism diagnostic clinic as a close friend of mine suspected that was what I was struggling with and I had a 2 hour long assessment with a specialist clinical psychologist who diagnosed me with high-functioning autism, social anxiety and possible dyspraxia pending further evaluation. The clinician said that it is common for females in particular to be missed under the spotlight because the signs of autism are not as identifiable in girls as in boys and that difficulties can be subtle and present itself in different ways so she wasn't suprised that it had taken the length of time it did for me to get tested for an autism spectrum disorder. I was given recommendations such as accessing support from NAS and to seek adapted CBT for my anxiety. Unfortunately the clinic only offers assessment and diagnosis not treatment or intervention...After trying to access psychological support I've given up as they say they don't work with people with a diagnosis of autism because their service is not suitable, they only offer time-limited cbt for mild-moderate depression or anxiety and suggested I try MIND or talk to my GP.
My local MIND only offer time limited sessions with a key worker, although they run workshops and groups I can't attend them because I get anxious, plus I'm at uni 5 days a week so my time is taken up there. I'm really finding it hard to cope with my anxiety and fear in social situations and going out in public. I've lost trust in people since the incident and whenever I hear or see something on the news, read the newspaper and rape pops up or when crossing paths with certain people that remind me of the man who did it, it just brings back horrible memories and I find that I am stuck in a vicious cycle of avoiding thd public and going out because obviously there are important things I can not avoid such as appointments and uni, although thankfully I get DSA and I get transport to pick me up and take me back home so not too bad. I just can't sleep very well and sometimes I have nightmares and struggle to feel anything apart from anger. I feel like it is all my fault and all I want is for it to go away.
Don't know who to talk to. I don't have anybody to talk to about this