Published on 12, July, 2020
That's all it can be. Since the meltdown at work on Tuesday, things have gone from bad to worse. My manager has promised that I won't have to work around the two attack-dog colleagues for as long as necessary, and has arranged for me to see someone from the behavioural team once a fortnight. But I've lost over 3 lbs in weight, can't eat and can't sleep. My blood pressure has always been 'normal'. Now it's on the borderline between hypertension Stage 1 and Stage 2. My heart is pounding so hard that it's keeping me awake. My head is killing me. At work today, I was on edge the whole time. Just catching a glimpse of one of the culprits sent me running to hide. The last time I was like this was 20 years ago, when I was bullied badly at work and ended up being so sick that I wouldn't go out for weeks - and every time I saw a red car (the colour of the bully's car) I'd duck into shop doorways until it had passed.
It's like PTSD. I can't live like this.
Yes. It's like I said before. If your home gets burgled, it feels like your privacy has been violated. I'd never feel comfortable living in a home that had been broken into, no matter how many locks and security devices were subsequently installed.
are we all inveterate burners of bridges here? Joking aside, I know what you mean when you say it has destroyed it. Even when things have turned out not as bad as I thought in places, the fact is the way I feel about the job is then irrevocably changed, and it will never be the same again. And that is when it is time to walk away ....
Me, too. Almost 30 jobs in 40 years. As soon as the vibes turn bad, I'm off. Much as I love my current job, and get on with the majority of the staff and all the service users, this recent incident has destroyed it. I doubt I'll go back.
I read about Chris Packham's love for his dogs too - Itchy and Scratchy! When one of them died he was devastated. Made me feel better I was not the only person to feel this intense bond.
When I met my now husband he had an elderly cat. I'm still amazed we managed to merge our households into one home. Took a lot of effort to get my dog and his cat to accept each other but in the end they became firm friends.
Agree about care work - I've only done it for relatively short periods of time. Awareness of positive and negative energy ratings of different activities is starting to bring home to me why I have had such an unusual career.
I have an Aspie friend who used to work in a dog grooming parlour. She really enjoyed it. I often think about working with animals instead. I think I've reached the end of the line with care work. It's a bit like teaching, so I've been told. You do it for so long, and then you burn out.
I remember reading how badly Chris Packham was affected by the death of one of his dogs. Suicidal. These animals have so much meaning for us because we know they're loyal and trustworthy - something we can never be sure about with other people.
The death of my beloved terrier Duke from heart failure at 12.5 years old 9.5 weeks ago was what finally led me to get assessed for autism.
A week after he died I adopted Izzy - 6 years old, used for breeding and no longer wanted. I get so much comfort from stroking her and having her sit on my lap.
When I go out with Izzy we're a complete unit. No need to engage with anyone else. If someone does approach us they will usually focus on her not me.
Izzy is an excellent judge of character too, if she takes against someone I start to wonder what sort of person they really are!
What we need is to be able to take our dogs to work with us!
I'll be thinking of you. I can understand how you feel. I get upset even if I have to take Daisy for her annual jabs.
I'm not sure that these animals mean so much more to us than they do to other people, but I honestly don't know how I'd cope if anything happened to Daisy.
Thanks Tom looks very interesting - I will read this now. Anxious day for me as my dog is having an operation at the vet. Just routine (being neutered) but anxiety heightened nonetheless.
This one is also interesting...
Unmasking Anxiety in Autism
Thanks. Will go check it now. I have a meeting next week with the behaviour team and my manager to discuss my current problems and to see what can be done to accommodate me better. It will be good to go in with some information like this to back me up.
Have you read this article on autism and trauma in Spectrum News Tom? It is helping me to understand why incidents at work have a particularly devastating impact on me: https://www.spectrumnews.org/features/deep-dive/intersection-autism-trauma/
Husband has just bought this DVD for me as I'm sure I'm going to watch it lots of times. I must rewatch Fish Called Wanda - ages since I saw it but I remember laughing a lot. Clockwise was also quite funny, but stressful, as I have a real thing about punctuality...
I have it on well-worn DVD!
You can stream it from YouTube for £2.49. Or, if you search around, you can get it cheaper than that! It's very, very funny - and if you like Withnail, you shouldn't be disappointed.
In fact, you know... I'm going to watch it for the 31st time....
This is perfect Tom, thank you so much...
Is there such a thing as #FilmsOnPrescription? There should be!
I've watched 'The Big Lebowski' perhaps 30 times. It never fails to leave me a helpless laughing wreck. It's like a Raymond Chandler mystery on acid. Here's a short excerpt to perhaps whet your appetite...
The Big Lebowski - Jesus Scene
Thank you ()
Withnail and I is my second all-time favourite movie. The Big Lebowski comes first. Forget the plot. Just go with it. Either that or 'Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang'. 'Captain Fantastic', too. 'Sideways'? 'Little Miss Sunshine'?
Thanks Tom. I've been putting on a mask for so many years now, but I'm sure they will see through this even if I'm still wearing it at times.
Thanks Tom, comedy recommendations would be good at the moment. I like thrillers too. I accidentally bit someone on the shoulder when watching a horror film once (so best avoided!). My favourite ever films are Grey Gardens, Mary & Max, Withnail and I and Mary Poppins (an eclectic mix!)