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Burnout

Martian Tom

That's all it can be.  Since the meltdown at work on Tuesday, things have gone from bad to worse.  My manager has promised that I won't have to work around the two attack-dog colleagues for as long as necessary, and has arranged for me to see someone from the behavioural team once a fortnight.  But I've lost over 3 lbs in weight, can't eat and can't sleep.  My blood pressure has always been 'normal'.  Now it's on the borderline between hypertension Stage 1 and Stage 2.  My heart is pounding so hard that it's keeping me awake.  My head is killing me.  At work today, I was on edge the whole time.  Just catching a glimpse of one of the culprits sent me running to hide.  The last time I was like this was 20 years ago, when I was bullied badly at work and ended up being so sick that I wouldn't go out for weeks - and every time I saw a red car (the colour of the bully's car) I'd duck into shop doorways until it had passed.

It's like PTSD.  I can't live like this.

Parents

  • First day back at work yesterday wasn't as bad as I'd expected, but I was still on tenterhooks all day.  I had some valium, which helped.  In the morning I was quite isolated, which was good.  In the afternoon, though, I was back working around the others.  One of the people involved in the incident last week seems to be okay with me and is going on as if nothing has happened.  The other, though, is still giving off hostile vibes.  Every time I walk past her or accidentally bump into her, I feel very jumpy.  Like when you see someone you really dislike and it puts you on instant alert.

    I got home last night feeling completely shattered.  I went to bed early and slept for 8 hours solid, which I haven't done for ages.  Woke up this morning, though, feeling unrefreshed and washed out - like in the aftermath of a bad cold.  I'll see how things are looking when I go in today.  I don't want anyone too challenging today to work with.

    Running on close to empty, I feel.  This whole thing has really taken it out of me.

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  • First day back at work yesterday wasn't as bad as I'd expected, but I was still on tenterhooks all day.  I had some valium, which helped.  In the morning I was quite isolated, which was good.  In the afternoon, though, I was back working around the others.  One of the people involved in the incident last week seems to be okay with me and is going on as if nothing has happened.  The other, though, is still giving off hostile vibes.  Every time I walk past her or accidentally bump into her, I feel very jumpy.  Like when you see someone you really dislike and it puts you on instant alert.

    I got home last night feeling completely shattered.  I went to bed early and slept for 8 hours solid, which I haven't done for ages.  Woke up this morning, though, feeling unrefreshed and washed out - like in the aftermath of a bad cold.  I'll see how things are looking when I go in today.  I don't want anyone too challenging today to work with.

    Running on close to empty, I feel.  This whole thing has really taken it out of me.

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