Hi there,
I have recently come to believe that my 4 year old daughter has Aspergers. She does not have a formal diagnosis yet, she has been primarilly assessed by the health vistor team, who have found she has advanced development in some areas and slow development in others, mainly social and gross motor skills. They have done observations of her at home and at nursery and passed it all on to the paediactric team and we are awaiting an appointment.
Life had become pretty tough recently with everyday starting and ending in a fight, plus numerous meltdowns throughout the day. This is what moved me to start this process. However once our eyes were opened to the possibility of aspergers (something we knew nothing about) things have started to become easier. We have been treating her differently following advice we have found on here and she seems a lot calmer.
The problem is that family/friends are now saying to us they they don't think she has aspergers. That she seems fine to them. The thing they don't understand is, she is fine. There's nothing wirng with her its just her perception of the world seems different to others and this seems to cause her to be anxious and unsettled.
So now I'm wondering, am I excusing bad behaviour or attention seeking behaviour and blaming it on aspergers? I'm feeling a little lost as we have just found out the list for a paed appointment is at a standstill as there's no one to see them and she's about to start school, who said she can see the education phychiatrist but I have heard this can be a lengthy process!
I know none of you could possibly know my daughter through an email but here are her main characteristics;
She is extreemly bright (counting since age 2, adding and subtracting age 4)
She talks like an adult although will mumble and use a baby voice sometimes (maybe when anxous?)
She struggles with eye contact
She loves routine and hates change, most meltdowns are caused by either something not being done how she expected it or a change in plans.
She can appear rude, interupts conversations, gets very close to people (has been known to stroke/lick people) doesn't always look at the person she's talking to.
Very rarely uses names or talks to people. so rather than saying "I want you to stay here" she would shout "I want her to stay here"
Has always struggled with toileting, still not completely dry.
doesn't tell us when she's in pain, sometimes screams but won't let us near her or tell us why.
When things aren't done her way or when she asked for them she breaks down, screaming, punching herself, rolling around, throwing things.
She is a sponge, always asking questions and wanting to know 'why' to an infuriateing level.
Loves repetative actions, runing in lines, tracing boundries, watching the same programe/song over and over again.
When she is excited/happy she shouts and squeals alot. shouts random words and lots of intence giggling, doesn't matter where we are (church, supermarket, in bed at night)
However.......
She adores her brother and sister and shows them love and affection.
can be very complient some days.
Talks to and interacts with adults/older children very well.
Can vocalise her feelings sometimes although usually at a later date.
Has been known to play with other children on odd occasions.
This is only a snippet of her personality. Basically what I'm asking is should I be pushing forward with a possible diagnosis or are there things here that rule out aspergers and I'd be putting her through unessarsary trauma (she doesn't like doctors) Oh I should say how old she is, she's 4 and half, 5 in feb.
I know its a hard thing I'm asking. I'm not expecting a diagnosis, I just feel a bit conflicted now. I have people asking me 'why' I'm 'pushing' for a diagnosis.
Please help.
Worried mummy x