Published on 12, July, 2020
At around 4am on Saturday morning, a very dark, overcast, and rather drizzly night, I was approximately here (link to Bing Maps); somewhere near the "X" formed where the zig-zaggy footpaths cross that descend the steep valley side. I was somewhat wobbly from several bottles of my favourite ales. I don't always walk home this way from my regular Friday night trip to hang out with my little crew of friends at one of their houses, but the time, location, and inebriation are pretty representative of what I would consider a perfectly normal 3-4 mile walk home. The other walking options are similarly cross-country, or involve long stretches of road with no pedestrian footpath. Very heavy rain or snow might make me think twice, but don't normally put me off. On particularly beautiful nights, I have even had an unplanned snooze after sitting down to admire the stars or the dawn-chorus.
My usual trip to the supermarket is somewhat shorter, but similar; there are stretches of road with no pedestrian pavement, and they involve crossing countryside on muddy, unpaved public footpaths, carrying as many supplied as I can on my back.
The commute to my last place of work took in a two and half mile walk along an old railway line (you can see this on the linked map if you switch to Ordinance Survey view), and a 400ft climb to the top of a very exposed hill (over 1000 ft at the summit). That was just to get the bus to Halifax, after which I walked another mile or so to the office. I did this in both directions every work day, in the dark in winter, and in all weathers. I even astonished the boss when I turned up having battled through waist deep snowdrifts; of course, most of my colleagues who lived in Halifax itself had phoned in to say they couldn't make it!
So what's my point? That I'm super-fit and smug that I'm so much hardier than everyone else? Hmm, I'm certainly not all that fit, just very stubborn. There is a certain pride I take in it, but I recognise it as being a rather perverse and masochistic kind of pride. So here are my main reasons why I do this (some might say post-hoc rationalisations, and I would not disagree.)
Reactions to this "lifestyle choice" from friends are very varied. The friends that I visit at our Friday night gatherings don't bat an eyelid, and some of them have quite similar habits (at least a couple of them are almost certainly also autistic; the others don't lead particularly "conventional" lifestyles, either). Other friends react with complete horror, and implore me not to take the risks which they perceive I'm taking. I have only realised very recently that my reaction to their concerns probably seems flippant and ungrateful; but I know what the risks are (years of hiking, caving, etc.), and I accept them as a reasonable compromise so that I can work, shop, and socialise. In the decades that I've lived this way, I have never come to serious physical harm, have never been in trouble with law enforcement (I stick to footpaths and never trespass), and the only time I've been mugged or attacked was in broad daylight in a city-centre park. The fact that I will almost certainly not be able to continue like this as I get older frightens the hell out of me, quite frankly.
So I thought I would throw this open to comments from people here. There are no right answers, and I'm not looking for pity. I've just realised how little I question it and how much I've underestimated how bizarre it can seem to other people. What does anyone think? Am I completely crazy to do this? Are my justifications just perverse rationalisations? Do you do these things too?
Coming from a person who went for a 1.5hr walk around their local neighbourhood at 2.30am this morning because they couldn’t sleep and were distressed, no, this doesn’t sound crazy to me!
I can relate to all of your points, but particularly in relation to the walking being therapeutic for the mind and not asking for help from others. I also find I can walk a terribly long way (12 miles has been known), even when I am tired or upset, but I usually put this down to the adrenaline in my system from anxiety.
I confess that I hadn’t been aware how disturbing my behaviour of late night walking was to others until very recently when the Police became involved and promptly warned me of my ‘anti social behaviour’ - unbeknownst to me I was causing ‘alarm and distress’ to people who saw me as they thought something was wrong and I looked under 18 to them. I felt absolutely terrible for this as I hadn’t thought there was anything harmful of me taking a walk to clear my mind or to help me settle to sleep. How wrong was I?! So that got me slapped with an ‘Acceptable Behaviour Contract’ as though I am some criminal, and now I’m even more cautious about my actions in public than ever before (basically, the whole thing did nothing for my social anxiety). So be cautious, but do as you have to in order to live your best life, no matter what others think of it.
NAS36609 said:when the Police became involved
I'm sorry to hear that.
I have to be honest, this is the only part of it that gives me any great anxiety, and my heart is in my throat whenever I see a police car go past. I'm never doing anything which I would consider anti-social, I'm always as quiet as I can be, I don't break the law in any way, and the only things I'd be carrying are my keys, wallet, phone, and cigarettes. I have been stopped several times, but thankfully have always been allowed on my way with advice to be careful, and maybe a later drive past to check that I've been honest. In fact, I'm rather shocked just how few times I do see the police, especially considering how often I notice people who are doing things which are reckless and anti-social in the early hours (e.g. "boy racers" literally racing, parties you can hear from two blocks away, domestic arguments, etc.) Despite my aversion to dealing with authority figures and hatred of telephones, I have performed my civic duty by reporting a few of the things that I've seen, albeit anonymously.
I've never been reported to the authorities that I know of, but that is my biggest fear, especially knowing that it would likely be gossiped about. It's not just that I might be restricted in my walking by some sort of order, but not wanting to expose myself to people who feel that way about me; exactly the social anxiety that you mentioned.
NAS36609 said:So be cautious, but do as you have to in order to live your best life, no matter what others think of it.
Thanks. Likewise to you too.
The whole situation has really knocked my confidence (not that I had any to begin with...). I too thought I wasn’t doing anything antisocial - if I passed anyone I’d smile, I walked in lit places and on paths and I was careful to walk in very quiet places - but apparently this issue stemmed from individuals calling the Police ‘concerned for a young girl wandering around alone late at night’. In hindsight I can see why it might have troubled some people, especially as it was mentioned to me that they thought I was a minor (which surprised me as I’m in my mid twenties), but I meant no harm to anyone. I don’t think those reporting me meant anything bad at least, but it has impacted on me dramatically.
I’ve spotted those late night boy racers too and I think they require much more Police attention than I or you!