Published on 12, July, 2020
At around 4am on Saturday morning, a very dark, overcast, and rather drizzly night, I was approximately here (link to Bing Maps); somewhere near the "X" formed where the zig-zaggy footpaths cross that descend the steep valley side. I was somewhat wobbly from several bottles of my favourite ales. I don't always walk home this way from my regular Friday night trip to hang out with my little crew of friends at one of their houses, but the time, location, and inebriation are pretty representative of what I would consider a perfectly normal 3-4 mile walk home. The other walking options are similarly cross-country, or involve long stretches of road with no pedestrian footpath. Very heavy rain or snow might make me think twice, but don't normally put me off. On particularly beautiful nights, I have even had an unplanned snooze after sitting down to admire the stars or the dawn-chorus.
My usual trip to the supermarket is somewhat shorter, but similar; there are stretches of road with no pedestrian pavement, and they involve crossing countryside on muddy, unpaved public footpaths, carrying as many supplied as I can on my back.
The commute to my last place of work took in a two and half mile walk along an old railway line (you can see this on the linked map if you switch to Ordinance Survey view), and a 400ft climb to the top of a very exposed hill (over 1000 ft at the summit). That was just to get the bus to Halifax, after which I walked another mile or so to the office. I did this in both directions every work day, in the dark in winter, and in all weathers. I even astonished the boss when I turned up having battled through waist deep snowdrifts; of course, most of my colleagues who lived in Halifax itself had phoned in to say they couldn't make it!
So what's my point? That I'm super-fit and smug that I'm so much hardier than everyone else? Hmm, I'm certainly not all that fit, just very stubborn. There is a certain pride I take in it, but I recognise it as being a rather perverse and masochistic kind of pride. So here are my main reasons why I do this (some might say post-hoc rationalisations, and I would not disagree.)
Reactions to this "lifestyle choice" from friends are very varied. The friends that I visit at our Friday night gatherings don't bat an eyelid, and some of them have quite similar habits (at least a couple of them are almost certainly also autistic; the others don't lead particularly "conventional" lifestyles, either). Other friends react with complete horror, and implore me not to take the risks which they perceive I'm taking. I have only realised very recently that my reaction to their concerns probably seems flippant and ungrateful; but I know what the risks are (years of hiking, caving, etc.), and I accept them as a reasonable compromise so that I can work, shop, and socialise. In the decades that I've lived this way, I have never come to serious physical harm, have never been in trouble with law enforcement (I stick to footpaths and never trespass), and the only time I've been mugged or attacked was in broad daylight in a city-centre park. The fact that I will almost certainly not be able to continue like this as I get older frightens the hell out of me, quite frankly.
So I thought I would throw this open to comments from people here. There are no right answers, and I'm not looking for pity. I've just realised how little I question it and how much I've underestimated how bizarre it can seem to other people. What does anyone think? Am I completely crazy to do this? Are my justifications just perverse rationalisations? Do you do these things too?
Nice long read. Before I started I got the wrong end of the stick.
For me 4am means..... I almost always wake up and cannot get back to sleep.
I go to sleep at 11pm. I wake at 4am.
I go to sleep at midnight I wake at 4am.
I go to sleep at 1am. I wake at 4am.
I go to sleep at 2am. I wake at 4am.
I am a mess.
Pretty much the exact opposite for me.
I go to bed at 11pm. Lie awake until 4am before finally nodding off.
I go to bed at midnight. Lie awake until 4am before finally nodding off.
I go to bed at 1pm. Lie awake until 4am before finally nodding off.
I go to bed at 2pm. Lie awake until 4am before finally nodding off.
That's on typical nights. If there's something stressful on my mind, it can have the same effect on my sleep as anyone else. Once it gets past about 6-7ish, I generally don't bother to go to bed at all, in the hope of a better sleep the next night (it rarely works, but then nor has anything else I've ever tried or been prescribed.) My body clock thinks I live in the US Mid-West somewhere for some reason, and always has; I was no different as a child.
Autistica recently emailed me with preliminary results from research I'd helped with regarding autism and sleep. They reckon that up to 60% of autistic people have a sleep condition of one kind or another. Late-onset insomnia, like mine, seems to be most common, but there's a huge variety.