Published on 12, July, 2020
HihiSo, I had a negative experience with a Dr a month or two ago (Around late July), and I am still confused and upset about it. I didn't know how to interpret something; I stated a symptom that was a bit weird and she fell silent and then said 'okay'. Silly it may seem, but I really didn't understand what that meant.Also, the whole appointment was her contradicting herself during the appointment or based on things she said at previous appointments.I still remember her tone of voice and some of what she said. As a result, it's like I could still hear her saying 'okay' in the tone of voice that she had at the ear that was beside her (so my right side of my face). I have started shaking my head back and forth, banging the sides of my head (my temples) with my knuckles, and recently I started to slap my ears and stick my finger down the ear that she was beside (I know, not nice to imagine...sorry). The scenes from the appointment replay in my head and I want it to come out I do not know how to deal with it. Oh, and I have began humming really loudly too.At first, it just started with shaking my head, then escalated to what is written above. I do not mean for it to be a form of self harm. I can't help what I am doing; I have been doing it for around 2/3 weeks I think.Professionals at the mental health team contradict themselves or just make no sense, i.e, while I was getting assessed for a certain therapy, they said that I would receive it for a year...but there was a reason as to why I was receiving the assessment; to see if I qualify for it. I didn't get accepted. This was around late May I think, and I am still confused as to why professionals would jump to conclusions and I think I am somewhat struggling to deal with the change.I've been under services for two years and it was just filled with disorganisation and chaos.So, I just wanted to ask, is this normal for someone who is Autistic? (I am not diagnosed, just waiting to get assessed). I've read a page on this site that explains some of the behaviours that I am doing but I do not know if my scenario fits the reasons as to why someone who is Autistic may result to that certain behaviour(s). I didn't find shaking my head back and forth weird at first, but when I started doing the other behaviours, that is when I thought maybe this is a bit of a problem.Should I do something about this? To be honest, I really don't want to face another professional again but it may be something that I have to do if what I am doing is dangerous? (based on what my friends say). Would what I am doing change? I am asking this question because what I am doing kind of hurts and is a bit exhausting and I want it to stop. As far as I know, this is a new experience for me (I am 19), hence the slight confusion.I am trying to distract myself, but this doesn't really do much at the moment.I hope I am explaining myself well and do not come across as stupid.Thank you for your time~~
Welcome, MiniBlueberryMuffin! (yummy!)
What you're describing certainly can be autistic behaviours, and not at all "stupid". Two aspects of it stand out to me...
It's impossible to say from those things alone whether you are autistic or not, but there is certainly something going on which you should try to get help with. Aside from the fact that you could injure yourself, it's probably a sign that you have some severe stress and anxiety that you need support for.