Got diagnosis of for my son today

Hi Dawnyp,

I had a similar reaction to both my son's Aspergers diagnosis a few years ago and my own last year. I believe it's very common to feel like this. The fact that you weren't expecting it at todays appointment has no doubt contributed to your sense of shock - I had a similar experience as I was told by a SENCO when I went to pick my son up from school one day - I knew they were having a multidisciplinary meeting at the school - but had no idea that a diagnosis would come out of it there and then. Like you, we'd also been involved in the assessment process for quite a long time (although not as long as you have!), and I think by the time we received the dx, I had almost convinced myself that nothing would ever come of it! I don't know if you'd started to feel the same way.

On reflection, I think that for me, the reason I was so upset, even though I already knew that my son was on the spectrum deep down, was that it felt so permanent. Although I now know that an aspergers dx is not a life sentence, at the time, it felt like my son had been given one. I was focussing too much on the negatives and the obstacles faced by people on the spectrum and I think convinced myself that his dx meant that that my son's life chances were virtually reduced to zilch! But like I say, I've only realised that this was what was going on in my head with hindsight - and it was mostly subconscious I think.

Since then, for all of the blips and trip-ups we go through, I've learned to realise that this is not the case anyway. Once my son got his dx, he obtained a statement from the LEA and his teachers (most of them..there'll always be a few arses!) made the effort to learn how to work with him. As a result he's much better at coping in the school environment and a happier kid all round! I think he feels better too, just knowing that there's a reason why he sometimes feels different from his peers - and why he has problems with misunderstanding people and being misunderstood. So in general, I think diagnosis can only be a good thing in the long run - but that still doesn't stop it coming as a shock does it.

I'm sure you'll start to feel better soon. I know there's a kind of stereotyped notion that all parents breathe a huge sigh of relief when our kids get their dx, but it is just a stereotype and we all react differently. Please don't feel bad about that!

Hi Dawnyp,

I had a similar reaction to both my son's Aspergers diagnosis a few years ago and my own last year. I believe it's very common to feel like this. The fact that you weren't expecting it at todays appointment has no doubt contributed to your sense of shock - I had a similar experience as I was told by a SENCO when I went to pick my son up from school one day - I knew they were having a multidisciplinary meeting at the school - but had no idea that a diagnosis would come out of it there and then. Like you, we'd also been involved in the assessment process for quite a long time (although not as long as you have!), and I think by the time we received the dx, I had almost convinced myself that nothing would ever come of it! I don't know if you'd started to feel the same way.

On reflection, I think that for me, the reason I was so upset, even though I already knew that my son was on the spectrum deep down, was that it felt so permanent. Although I now know that an aspergers dx is not a life sentence, at the time, it felt like my son had been given one. I was focussing too much on the negatives and the obstacles faced by people on the spectrum and I think convinced myself that his dx meant that that my son's life chances were virtually reduced to zilch! But like I say, I've only realised that this was what was going on in my head with hindsight - and it was mostly subconscious I think.

Since then, for all of the blips and trip-ups we go through, I've learned to realise that this is not the case anyway. Once my son got his dx, he obtained a statement from the LEA and his teachers (most of them..there'll always be a few arses!) made the effort to learn how to work with him. As a result he's much better at coping in the school environment and a happier kid all round! I think he feels better too, just knowing that there's a reason why he sometimes feels different from his peers - and why he has problems with misunderstanding people and being misunderstood. So in general, I think diagnosis can only be a good thing in the long run - but that still doesn't stop it coming as a shock does it.

I'm sure you'll start to feel better soon. I know there's a kind of stereotyped notion that all parents breathe a huge sigh of relief when our kids get their dx, but it is just a stereotype and we all react differently. Please don't feel bad about that!