People are trying to change my gender

And I'm frightened for my safety. For years I was treated like a little boy instead of the little girl I was. Just subtle little things, comments about my handwriting and my hair, from the age of about four, which were designed to condition me into believing I was male. For example, I was cast as a snowman in a Christmas play when the other little girls were angels, but that's only one example; you might think it sounds silly to remember something like this and give it any thought, but actually these things add up to something very sinister. Drip, drip, drip. They clearly wanted to do it subtly every day so I'd slowly come to the realisation that I was supposed to be male. And then I got my Asperger's diagnosis at 15, and that was the official YOU ARE MALE message. Since then, clinicians and teachers, and even close family friends, have drip-drip-dripped in comments about autism being an extreme male brain thing and all men being on the spectrum. I know these things are being proved more and more to be untrue, and the latter one is downright stupid,  but that makes it even more worrying. They want me to believe I'm male rather than female. I don't know why. It is killing me from the inside.

I AM NOW MAKING THIS VERY CLEAR - I STRONGLY IDENTIFY AS FEMALE, I AM SO PROUD TO BE FEMALE, BEING FEMALE IS SO PRECIOUS TO ME, BUT VILE EVIL PEOPLE IN MY LIFE ARE TRYING TO TAKE THIS AWAY FROM ME.

My parents say I'm being paranoid but they haven't walked in my shoes. I know the truth. Some people seem to believe me, thank goodness. I'm labelled a crazy girl so lots of people don't listen to me, but I know this has been going on. I have evidence. I want to talk to people from my past about this and ask them why they wanted to hurt me so badly but I'm going to university in September and I've got so many good things in my life right now, and I've got to stay out of trouble. I have to keep my head above water and just deal with this. I'm trapped. I can't confront anyone about it because they'll just say I need more medication, or try to tell me I can't do things. I have to suffer and no one wants to help. I feel so alone and so scared. I just want to be safe from this.

Has anyone else been through anything similar?

Parents
  • Hi Angel Cake

    I’m sorry you are going through a tough time.  It’s good that you’ve let us know how you feel and I think you have some supportive responses from the community.  It does sound like you have some positive to look forward to as well.  That said, if you are feeling that you are unable to cope, it’s very important to tell someone about your feelings of fear and loneliness.

    The Samaritans also provide confidential non-judgemental emotional support, 24 hours a day on 116 123, or by email on jo@samaritans.org

    If you need help with an autism related issue, our NAS helpline can be emailed via the webform: https://www.autism.org.uk/services/helplines/main/questions.aspx 

    Or, you may like to contact our Autism Helpline team. They can provide you with information and advice. You can call them on 0808 800 4104 (Monday to Thursday 10am to 4pm, Friday 9am to 3pm). Please note that the Helpline is experiencing a high volume of calls and it may take a couple of attempts before you get through to speak to an advisor.

    If you think it might help, you can also call your GP and make an urgent appointment. Your GP can make sure you get appropriate help and support.  If it’s outside your GP hours call 111 to reach the NHS 111 service: http://www.nhs.uk/NHSEngland/AboutNHSservices/Emergencyandurgentcareservices/Pages/NHS-111.aspx

    Hope you feel more settled soon,

    Nicky-Mod

Reply
  • Hi Angel Cake

    I’m sorry you are going through a tough time.  It’s good that you’ve let us know how you feel and I think you have some supportive responses from the community.  It does sound like you have some positive to look forward to as well.  That said, if you are feeling that you are unable to cope, it’s very important to tell someone about your feelings of fear and loneliness.

    The Samaritans also provide confidential non-judgemental emotional support, 24 hours a day on 116 123, or by email on jo@samaritans.org

    If you need help with an autism related issue, our NAS helpline can be emailed via the webform: https://www.autism.org.uk/services/helplines/main/questions.aspx 

    Or, you may like to contact our Autism Helpline team. They can provide you with information and advice. You can call them on 0808 800 4104 (Monday to Thursday 10am to 4pm, Friday 9am to 3pm). Please note that the Helpline is experiencing a high volume of calls and it may take a couple of attempts before you get through to speak to an advisor.

    If you think it might help, you can also call your GP and make an urgent appointment. Your GP can make sure you get appropriate help and support.  If it’s outside your GP hours call 111 to reach the NHS 111 service: http://www.nhs.uk/NHSEngland/AboutNHSservices/Emergencyandurgentcareservices/Pages/NHS-111.aspx

    Hope you feel more settled soon,

    Nicky-Mod

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