People are trying to change my gender

And I'm frightened for my safety. For years I was treated like a little boy instead of the little girl I was. Just subtle little things, comments about my handwriting and my hair, from the age of about four, which were designed to condition me into believing I was male. For example, I was cast as a snowman in a Christmas play when the other little girls were angels, but that's only one example; you might think it sounds silly to remember something like this and give it any thought, but actually these things add up to something very sinister. Drip, drip, drip. They clearly wanted to do it subtly every day so I'd slowly come to the realisation that I was supposed to be male. And then I got my Asperger's diagnosis at 15, and that was the official YOU ARE MALE message. Since then, clinicians and teachers, and even close family friends, have drip-drip-dripped in comments about autism being an extreme male brain thing and all men being on the spectrum. I know these things are being proved more and more to be untrue, and the latter one is downright stupid,  but that makes it even more worrying. They want me to believe I'm male rather than female. I don't know why. It is killing me from the inside.

I AM NOW MAKING THIS VERY CLEAR - I STRONGLY IDENTIFY AS FEMALE, I AM SO PROUD TO BE FEMALE, BEING FEMALE IS SO PRECIOUS TO ME, BUT VILE EVIL PEOPLE IN MY LIFE ARE TRYING TO TAKE THIS AWAY FROM ME.

My parents say I'm being paranoid but they haven't walked in my shoes. I know the truth. Some people seem to believe me, thank goodness. I'm labelled a crazy girl so lots of people don't listen to me, but I know this has been going on. I have evidence. I want to talk to people from my past about this and ask them why they wanted to hurt me so badly but I'm going to university in September and I've got so many good things in my life right now, and I've got to stay out of trouble. I have to keep my head above water and just deal with this. I'm trapped. I can't confront anyone about it because they'll just say I need more medication, or try to tell me I can't do things. I have to suffer and no one wants to help. I feel so alone and so scared. I just want to be safe from this.

Has anyone else been through anything similar?

Parents
  • Just been wondering now... Is my assumption that you are also biologically a girl right? Please don't be offended by this, I'm just thinking that what I wrote above would not necessarily apply if your girl mind is actually stuck in a boy's body. I would still not think that people treated you the way they did because of being evil, but they may well have tried to push you into a role that isn't really yours. I assumed you are also biologically a girl as you would have mentioned it otherwise, but actually, there is no reason for this really.

  • Yes, I am biologically a girl. Unfortunately they did do it - and are doing it - intentionally. It gets me down so much because neurodiverse people get tarred with the "no empathy and lack of social awareness" brush, yet I appear to be surrounded by neurotypical people who appear to have no ability to empathise and want to take one of the most important things in my life from me. It makes me feel like there is no point in me being alive at all.

  • neurodiverse people get tarred with the "no empathy and lack of social awareness" brush, yet I appear to be surrounded by neurotypical people who appear to have no ability to empathise and want to take one of the most important things in my life from me

    That "no empathy" thing is nothing more than evidence that neurotypical people do not understand us even as well as we can understand them. Sometimes the force of someone else's emotions weighs so heavily on me that it completely overshadows my own emotions, so I have learned to suppress any emotion at all just to protect myself. That's just as well, because neurotypicals often treat us as if we are not living, feeling beings anyway, or else as if we do feel but our feelings don't matter because we are different from them. I don't even know which of those is worse.

    As for "lack of social awareness", I'm pretty sure we are much more "aware" than they give us credit for, or than they are themselves. Most of them don't even have genuine feelings toward each other, and they readily believe each other's BS.

    There are people out there who are willing to accept you for who and what you are. You just have to find them. Don't let the rest get you down.

  • As for "lack of social awareness", I'm pretty sure we are much more "aware" than they give us credit for, or than they are themselves.

    You are YOU AngelCake and please don’t take others lack of understanding to heart. As DragonCat states I feel very hyper aware just sometimes lacking the right words to be heard not matter how emoathically I declare myself. I’m not sure if the issue is for me at message level or at sender or receiver I.e how it is delivered or processed... a kind of lost in translation., 

    keep being wonderful you...

Reply
  • As for "lack of social awareness", I'm pretty sure we are much more "aware" than they give us credit for, or than they are themselves.

    You are YOU AngelCake and please don’t take others lack of understanding to heart. As DragonCat states I feel very hyper aware just sometimes lacking the right words to be heard not matter how emoathically I declare myself. I’m not sure if the issue is for me at message level or at sender or receiver I.e how it is delivered or processed... a kind of lost in translation., 

    keep being wonderful you...

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