Hi, I hope it is okay to post about this.
I am a young female in a relationship with another young female. Me and my partner seem to be having relationship (sex) issues because of me.
I have not had much experience in a relationship. I have only been in a relationship with 1 other person before and she emotionally abused me. My current girlfriend is the only person I have ever had sex with.
We have been together for just over a year now and our sex life is problematic.
I just don't know what to do, or how to do it. I am not able to spontaneously decide to do the things that people call flirting or foreplay. I also have a very poor memory and so it's not like I can memorize a set of instructions. I am not capable of making spontaneous decisions. I do not get things in life done unless I have a list to follow.
We have been together for a year now and she is giving up on our sex life more and more. She used to initiate it a lot but I would panic as I had not planned to do that activity at that time. She feels like we should have developed our sex life at the beginning of our relationship, as most people do. But to me, developing it 1 year later sounds about right. I am very slow with things. I have had to learn how to be in a relationship and I have become more grown up so so much this last year. A 1 year delay really isn't a problem to me.
I'm ready to develop the sex part of our relationship now, but she feels like "it just doesn't happen" and she is feeling frustrated and fed up and she is not open to my attempts to initiate sex because it has become normal for us not to have sex and she feels frustrated. When I do try, I do it wrong and just makes her annoyed and she wants to stop.
Now, I am starting to try to research how to initiate and flirt and do foreplay, but I am not finding much information that helps. I need a routine or a list of rules but this is supposed to be a spontaneous activity and I can't do spontaneous.
My best attempt so far is that I have created powerpoint slides, one slide for each stage (flirting, initiation, foreplay etc) and each slide has a number of ideas of what is appropriate to do at that stage. I am trying to revise this like I made revision cards at school. The other day my partner said that was the first time I had ever flirted with her.
Does anyone else have these sorts of difficulties? Or any advice?
