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Suicide and self harm...

Dexter

Although I am frightened of dying, when the thoughts of suicide come, they can feel quite nice. To sort of get away from this madness we call life. The self harm, I do on a regular basis, and the sight of the blood running down my arm , the feel of it dripping/sliding is wonderful. I like it when it hurts cos that means I am punishing myself. However frightening death is to me, if I died right now no one would notice, and when they did they'd have a party.

  • Hi everyone,

    If you are having thoughts of suicide or self-harm, please contact someone. The NHS page on suicide has several useful resources - http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Suicide/Pages/Getting-help.aspx

    And Samaritans operates 24 hours a day, and you can email if you'd rather not talk on the phone - https://www.samaritans.org/

    Wishing you all well,

    Ross - mod

  • I am autistic.  I am doing my PhD on the care of the autistic suicidal adult.  I wish I could advertise my questionnaire on this website, but it is against the rules of the forum, which is a pity.  It is important that autistic adults are heard about their feelings for suicide.  I would notice if any of us from this website died by suicide.  It is important that our feelings are taken into account.  And sorry for not being around recently, I was in France then my computer crashed.  It is now back up and running - yeah!

  • in reply to oktanol

    When my cat passed away, I cried for weeks,.

  • I thought pretty much the same Dexter, less than a year ago. I was completely convinced my cat is the only being that needs me (so when she ran away from me one day because I must have been crying too loud for her likings or because she just was in that mood that little thing that can't even be called a problem was a major disaster). Somehow I thought some people would party and my friends would probably not be chuffed about the way of getting out but would overall be rather relieved. I also ordered some pills that are supposed to be quite effective, not to take them right at that time but I thought it would make me calmer to know that I have the means to press the stop button any time. It was shockingly easy to get the stuff and when it came it had completely the opposite effect, I got incredibly frightened about having them at home... Anyway, circumstances have changed a bit now and thinking back, the people I thought would party probably wouldn't have and my friends actually turned out to need me, also people I didn't even know back then turned out later to be quite happy about my existence, and vice versa, and not to take advantage of me.

    Not saying that's the same for you, I have no idea and don't know you or anyone around you, but it may well be, there's just no way of knowing. Not sure, don't think being told that will really help you now, don't think it would have helped me, I just would have thought that may well be true for others but not for myself because I can see it so clearly...

    What has made you come to that conclusion anyway? Something going on recently or more the way life in general has run up to now?

    And do you know why you think you should punish yourself? If others punish you that doesn't necessarily mean that you deserve it. I'm trying to get this in my own head too which isn't easy but it's probably true. Perhaps there isn't actually anything you need to get punished for?

  • I've only had three serious attempts. (Last year).  It got the mental health team involved and I still have some contact with various agencies.  Otherwise their help is a lot of phone numbers and internet sites.

    The best way to go is to peacefully pass away during sleep.

    No one will miss me.

    But neither will anyone party.

  • Hey I'd notice...I work as a teacher and also gave ASD.,..in my years in that role I have lost two students to suicide and it is heartbreaking to those left behind x