Romance & Relationships

 I suspect this subject has been done to death, but oh well…

 I've noticed some ASD people act predominantly asexual. And there goes the second camp, one me and most of my ASD mates belong to, which can be summed into ‘lonely & desperate’.

 This really sucks and our situation is honestly dealing great deal of upset and annoyance. It is really depressing. Reading about promiscuous people and unlikely flings drives us mad. Or abusive individuals - it's like how can that prat have someone - and not us, rather nice people?! None of us can stand displays of public affection either, oh no. Idiot shows such as Love Island made us even more angry.

 Really though. Why is everyone around us getting all the love and us the “weirdos” don't really matter?

 Although myself I've had men hit up on me - but so what? You know what type that was. Perverts who'd tap anything that moves. Not attracted to any of them creeps. I often recommended they look at other women as there is ‘nothing to see here’. I never quite understood why they would take notice in the plain, drab me.

 As I'm bi but pretty much predominantly interested in women over men, I always hoped one day maybe a woman hits up on me for once? And one eventually did after very long - but of course she was rather butch, nothing my type. When I shared the experience with my circle, one of them asked me why didn't I agree for at least one date - but I laughed it off and said I don't go out with people I'm not attracted to? I mean why on earth would I?? I'm not that desperate, and teased him that he wouldn't go on a date with Miss Trunchbull clone either!

 Because of the nature of the special interest that connects us all - transport & mainly buses, we travel a lot around the city (London). And what does that give? Beauties to stare at and the inability to ever interact with them! And of course it's not like they would ever notice us. I've had too many of these that I feel distraught for being too nondescript to ever stand a chance with.

 Interesting fact about us lot is that we all had some sort of big crushes in the past, but blew it in a way or another, or ended up in a hopeless situation - like me for an instance, as my first Love was a teacher from my college, an incredible divine beauty who really made me lose my mind. I would lie if I said I wasn't bitter that this didn't work. Any news reports of students having affairs with their teachers elsewhere makes me want to smash up things, because how are they better than me?? I still treat her boyfriend as my #1 rival. It's that strong.

 I've read somewhere that Aspies in love often fixate on the person and declare they are the Only One. Yup, sums me up. It's only because it's been 3 years and I almost died that maybe weakened this madness a little bit.

 I've had one serious crush recently which is still current - but I can already say bye-bye as the subject of my affection turned out to be gay, so looks the most there will be is a friendship. Godammit, such a shame as we have so much in common, including being Aspies. Urghh, my luck; I bet I'm only attracted to straight women and gay men, I betcha! How not to lose all hope??

Let me tell you a story. My Great Grandmother whom I've never met, who was almost certainly an Aspie herself based on descriptions my Mum and Auntie gave me, had only gotten married at… 39. Practically unheard of in the late 1940s. To a widower left with small children - and I like children too. She was apparently somewhat 'detached' and 'aloof', never hugged her grandchildren, they never even stayed at the house overnight for some reason. Sound right? She was from a poor family and it was back in the days when dowry was still a thing. That perhaps has stalled potential weddings, but then again one of her sisters went off to Australia to try for a better life, and another of her sisters went to be the priest's housekeeper - whether there was something between them or not (we know how it is sometimes…), it wasn't clear. But you see both the other sisters tried to do something about their fate, but my Great-Grandma as the only just waited for what life brought her. And I really really think genes come back and I might be autistic because of this heritage :-)

 Having said that, there goes the Curse of 39. Will I really be this old before I get to have a family?? :-(

Cuz Curse of 21 (both my Mum and Grandma had their first baby at that age, with rushed weddings) seems highly unlikely to touch me lol.