Help! Are there any women in this Community with ASD

This seems the ideal place to rant and I have had some of those thoughts too. B u t autism isn't catching! But it is hereditary and often comes along with the neurodiverse conditions.. look at your extended family and you may see traits that you hadn't recognised as on the spectrum. But am not a parent so don't feel qualified to say. The recent YouTube videos I watched would be ideal to teach people if they were open and willing to listen. Sometimes it's easier if someone uninvolved explains. Yes my diagnosis is of huge significance to me but it isn't necessarily to others. They say but you're still the you that you were before. Yes we are but also no we are not. Does it make us a lesser person in their eyes? Will they let themselves see the reasons why we are as we are? There are so many issues aren't there! I think this is one of those instances where we have to try to feel ok with ourselves first but it's hard when I have had years of not doing. 

It can lead to very cyclic behaviour which can lend itself to depression, harsh self-criticism and lack of self worth. 

That constant knawing away at your self is not good....

is there anything that makes you feel good...any positives about the Aspie condition as attributes and skills that you feel proud to have? What are your outlets?

hang in there girl..,

Thank you for your replies. Wow! It's just so amazing to talk to people who understand tears have come to my eyes. 

I think we read and read to find out about ourselves. To learn how we work and how it connects together and after that perhaps don't feel the compulsion to have to fit in. In a way it is a luxury to be able to do that. I think even if people are aware of our condition there will always be those who find us inconvenient and won't adapt their behaviour or understanding and those that will try to. It is then you discover that there are many kinds of intolerance. I also think that people look to those who are autistic that have achieved (or more blatantly autistic )and are successful then say why aren't you? 

Its particularly hurtful when it's people you love won't shift their view and understanding and it's then that I reach out to reassure myself by listening or reading to almost justify myself. Unfortunately it also makes me shrink from society. But I hope in time will be able to once more. 

hi Welly

i'm married too and my husband is struggling to open up to hear what I have to say about my self-diagnosis....it is not the right time.....etc. He is not a reader which is such as shame as I'll have to muster all of the right words in the right order, in a way that he can grasp to help him see what I am going through - it is tough and I feel for you...

and then what....after explaining....a "so what??", what happens now/next? 

How do you want your husband to react....is it that longing to have him understand you better? Is it to check that he stills love you, that your diagnosis makes no difference? Do hope for adjustment to help soothe you better?

i have a child also....which is also a challenge...do I say anything...will my traits "rub off on him"...is my ASD behaviour damaging to his development? Does he compare me to other mums?

phew.....sorry ladies...bit of a rant there....no wonder the elephant in the room keeps quiet!,

good comment and welcome....do you find that being empathetic and outwardly seeming to be "coping" means that you are sometimes exploited by others? 

Due to the Aspies...being organised, reliable, hardworking, nurturing and seeming to be on top of things...(plus adverse to conflict)....I am a sucker to agreeing to help others as a way to try to accepted and to be "useful" as a way of trying to belong...

sorry, that was an epic first message back....

really glad that the research is seemingly seeping through to medical practice....

Good to meet you! Misfit61. I've really only ventured here today but I'm so glad that I did. I've had a reprise for the last 13 years, I had great friends, I almost felt that I fitted in, but in that quirky artist community I do almost fit in, but now that I've moved away from friends and I've been having problems with my relationship and kids I can see that it's always been there, and I too am nodding and getting that eureka euphoric surge that I finally understand. Now I do feel isolated. I love where I live, I love my husband who just doesn't understand the asd at all. Him saying insensitive things to me has made me examine myself closer bringing everything back to the surface, making me feel self conscious and worried about what I might say or how the world sees me. Oh and awkward....he says I just want to argue, I just say I see things differently! There's a whole lot going on at the moment but I will work it out! 

It is such a shame that we feel so isolated in our ASD silos. I keep reading and reading also...are we just trying to scan the books for clues in terms of how to move forward and rid ourselves of this persistent need to fit in??

whose role is in to adjust? Do other people just need to be more aware of our condition....if so, how do you express this?

i read somewhere that ASD throws itself out there when we realise that our coping and masking strategies just aren't working any more! I think we are a vulnerable group especially with the increased likelihood of depression, anxiety and risk of being exploited by others.

I am jus an elephant...but there might more than in this room! ;) 

welcome to this chat stream....good to see some more women coming out of the woodwork!

best wishes to you

Hi there, I'm also one of those strange women that can't really complain about a lack of empathy. The people that diagnosed me with level 1 autism (that's what Asperger's is called now) were quite aware of this though, they said this is what more and more research concludes, that quite a few people with ASD are actually quite empathetic but are overwhelmed by the intensity of that feeling or have difficulties to react in a suitable way. So the experts do (start to) recognise that, it may just take a while until it also gets to the more conservative ones among them. 

Hello. I'm new and not posted before -lurking in the background too. I am struggling with the isolation/solitude issue as well.  My string of diagnosis came in dribs and drabs. I'm 55 now and for many years had multiple conditions. I didn't feel the depression/anxiety /fibromyalgia/cfs was the root cause. When I kept bumping into people, dropping things etc a colleague said " have you got dyspraxia or something?" Of course that started research on the topic and not stopped researching since. As of October last year my neuro diagnosis is now dcd, adhd and autism/asd. Like many of late diagnosis I have spent years trying to fit in and never really doing so in any situation. Myriads of health issues, strings of ad hoc qualifications and jobs I'm sure you get the picture. I have finally got the feeling that the root cause has been identified and that is good. At last I know why I'm like I am. I'm still trying to tell myself it's not my fault tho. There is no "support" or groups in my area and the user name elephant in the room is excellent as that's how I feel within my family and the older I have become the harder I found it to keep going. I gave myself permission to stop. At the moment this makes life very solitary indeed. Most of the time this is a huge relief but at others exceptionally lonely as my resources and energy are depleted. Finding on line sites, podcasts, books, blogs and YouTube videos have been teaching me about my conditions, offering me support and hope and letting me know I'm not the only one. The light bulb moments of recognition and yes that's exactly like me moments are so enlightening and comforting to realise that actually I'm not being awkward on purpose and it's ok to be me if a bit tough and rough at times. So I am Aspien Woman, Aspergirl, Odd girl out plus others Dr Gould and Sarah Hendrickx on YouTube and for me the adhd podcasts and paloozas have all been really helpful. I love my wellies too. 

Sssssh! Don't talk about the elephant, no one talks about the elephant!!! Lol

how are you?

Nice name! 

Lol.....look forward to seeing your new swanky profile....phew- panic over

As the penny drops again everything starts to make sense, I see the numbers are different, I can see people shrugging shoulders and looking to the floor in the she didn't notice.....but numbers are not my thing, off to tart up my profile! 

Hopefully resolvable.....you don't want to spend too much time as me! :)

And the fact that I seem to be logged in as you, is very weird! Hopefully just a glitch! 

Technical issues are driving me over the edge at the moment, and not being able to find a page where I can look at my profile and add a picture, it's all in the details, everything is so slow too! 

Hi Nas, I have thought long and hard about a referral, if it wasn't for the fact that I have 2 sons I probably wouldn't bother but I feel like my teenage sons problems have been misinterpreted as mental health problems, behavioural, etc. He has just had an education plan done and some of the things the ed psych says just make perfect sense that he is like me. He can't or doesn't even want to see it or discuss it, but he's had problems throughout his childhood. My husband isn't very supportive. I moved to a new area a year ago, got married, lived as a family for the first time in 5 years and everything has got so much harder. At first it felt like mental health, but I knew I wasn't depressed, I have ups and downs and anxiety, it was also thought it could be the menopause, but I've struggled throughout my life and now I'm beginning to understand.

Hi limegreenwelly

Got your message...how are you finding the forum?

Not sure why it's posting me as NAS23891, my username is limegreenwelly, I am new to the forums, that was my comment about hf asd and inattentive ADHD! Am sending a query to the tech people about why this is happening! 

Hi and welcome

At the moment I am also self diagnosed....so good luck with your appointment. Do you think it is better to seek referral or not? It is a shame that it seems to have to be a fight!!! My husband has told me to stop reading about the subject as he feels it makes things worse... but I am just hoping for answers and strategies to move forward....

hooe you have a good support network...

goid to to hear from you