I just wanted to let everyone know, that my GP has informed me that they have the request for funding in the bag. They have requested a referral date for the assessments to begin. I will use this thread to keep you all informed. I don't what else to say right now. I think that it will inspire me to write more poetry though. H.
This was written some years ago, I believe, I still think it is an interesting read, considering all that has transpired since then.
Reasons to be fearful part 3
HENDROW CHRISTIE·WEDNESDAY, 26 JULY 2017
Please please please, try and understand that it is not that I want to die or anything like that, I am ‘not well’ you may hear me say. I am just ‘LAZY’ Like my dad used to say, I hate it I [*******] hate feeling like this, why am I wasting more time, more of my life, looking for answers, what if I had a diagnosis that explained everything that is, and that has happened to me, I am so lethargic, right now-oh sorry, most of the time! it is so very very depressing, I do not assume that it is easy for normal people, but it’s just that it seems impossible for me at the bad times.
I have looked for years on and off, for an answer to ‘what is wrong with me?’ I have been in church (religion of sorts) That hasn’t worked. Now; because this thing works in cycles I am kind of okay right now, but that is utter [‘********’] I am tired of trying to be normal (Physically) or right (Mentally). I feel a bit better right now just for writing this down, I do feel that although in my case there is a hell of a lot of evidence to back up my case, I have an overwhelming feeling that this will not be accepted, what am I signing up for? What would I be losing, what would I gain?
It is a living ‘[*******] Hell’ most days when I am not well. I have always looked at this back to front, the wrong way around, i.e. Thinking that I am depressed and that makes me lethargic and lifeless. My point is what if I am lethargic and lifeless and that in turn is a depressing state to be in? It would cause me to ask yet again, what the ‘[*******] hell’ is wrong with me. It does now make sense, or is this yet another attempt (Of Mine) to escape taking responsibility, if I had a debilitating disease then maybe people wouldn’t expect so much from me (Including Me! I have no energy left to do anything, I ‘[*******] Hate It’ God know I do.) So hopefully you can see that it is not that I want to die.
REASONS TO BE FEARFUL PART 2
I want to live I realise I want to live!
I have lost my flow so it’s time to go,
What I feel only I know,
Am I the fool from this brand,
Who expects others to understand,
I’ve lost so much over the years,
I have lost touch and cried many tears,
It does make me look at myself with hate,
I am nobody's friend, no one’s mate,
Will I find somebody that comprehends,
The cycles I ride, it’s recent trend’s,
Trapped in this body that just won’t work,
My life is shoddy, I feel like a jerk,
Makes me feel like I am a child,
Whose innocence was stolen, when I was defiled,
Oh God, oh I wish I could be a man,
It cannot be done, without a plan,
Yes, as usual, it is all about ME,
Could that Freudian slip, set me free?
Sometimes I am blind or totally deaf,
There are times when I have nothing left,
I am just too much, is what they cry,
Just leave me alone and pass on by.
[Edited by Ayshe Mod]
This was written some years ago, I believe, I still think it is an interesting read, considering all that has transpired since then.
Reasons to be fearful part 3
HENDROW CHRISTIE·WEDNESDAY, 26 JULY 2017
Please please please, try and understand that it is not that I want to die or anything like that, I am ‘not well’ you may hear me say. I am just ‘LAZY’ Like my dad used to say, I hate it I [*******] hate feeling like this, why am I wasting more time, more of my life, looking for answers, what if I had a diagnosis that explained everything that is, and that has happened to me, I am so lethargic, right now-oh sorry, most of the time! it is so very very depressing, I do not assume that it is easy for normal people, but it’s just that it seems impossible for me at the bad times.
I have looked for years on and off, for an answer to ‘what is wrong with me?’ I have been in church (religion of sorts) That hasn’t worked. Now; because this thing works in cycles I am kind of okay right now, but that is utter [‘********’] I am tired of trying to be normal (Physically) or right (Mentally). I feel a bit better right now just for writing this down, I do feel that although in my case there is a hell of a lot of evidence to back up my case, I have an overwhelming feeling that this will not be accepted, what am I signing up for? What would I be losing, what would I gain?
It is a living ‘[*******] Hell’ most days when I am not well. I have always looked at this back to front, the wrong way around, i.e. Thinking that I am depressed and that makes me lethargic and lifeless. My point is what if I am lethargic and lifeless and that in turn is a depressing state to be in? It would cause me to ask yet again, what the ‘[*******] hell’ is wrong with me. It does now make sense, or is this yet another attempt (Of Mine) to escape taking responsibility, if I had a debilitating disease then maybe people wouldn’t expect so much from me (Including Me! I have no energy left to do anything, I ‘[*******] Hate It’ God know I do.) So hopefully you can see that it is not that I want to die.
REASONS TO BE FEARFUL PART 2
I want to live I realise I want to live!
I have lost my flow so it’s time to go,
What I feel only I know,
Am I the fool from this brand,
Who expects others to understand,
I’ve lost so much over the years,
I have lost touch and cried many tears,
It does make me look at myself with hate,
I am nobody's friend, no one’s mate,
Will I find somebody that comprehends,
The cycles I ride, it’s recent trend’s,
Trapped in this body that just won’t work,
My life is shoddy, I feel like a jerk,
Makes me feel like I am a child,
Whose innocence was stolen, when I was defiled,
Oh God, oh I wish I could be a man,
It cannot be done, without a plan,
Yes, as usual, it is all about ME,
Could that Freudian slip, set me free?
Sometimes I am blind or totally deaf,
There are times when I have nothing left,
I am just too much, is what they cry,
Just leave me alone and pass on by.
[Edited by Ayshe Mod]
