Hi all. I am 51 and currently in the process of diagnosis. Over the last few weeks since it was brought to my attention by a new friend that I am probably autistic I have found life so much easier. I now know why the whole world is against me (It isn't)I now know why other peoples interactions don't make sense (They do to each other, but not to me) why other people make stupid and insensitive decisions that involve me (they aren't stupid or insensitive, it's me that just doesn't understand the reasons behind thing because they don't make sense), why people take things I say the wrong way, and why I failed school.
So with my close friends we now have a 'system': If anything they say or do puzzles me or confuses me, instead of me becoming angry at what they have done or said because I see no sense in it, I express my stress/anger as a number which helps them to realise that if I become rude or aggressive it is due to confusuion or panic, and they can help me with it. it also helps me understand my feelings.
This worked really well on Sunday. I play the keyboard and synth and am a musician in church. Each week we play 4 songs then we leave the stage via steps on either side of the stage and we sit down while the pastor preaches. Last Sunday, an hour before the meeting started we were told that as the service was being livestreamed the leaders wanted things to look 'tidy' and we the musicians were to leave the stage via the back entrance, walk around the side of the building and come in the front to find our seat for the sermon. I have no idea why this decision was made and when I asked I was just told 'because it looks better' (???) I could feel my anger building but tried to curb it. we then went to another room for our pre-service 'team talk' and were told that there would be another change to the meeting and the sermon would be presented in a slightly different way. By this time I was furious. Why can't they leave things alone, everything works well, why change it!
Normally I would have withdrawn my self, not spoken to anyone else at all, gone through the meeting holding back tears and i know i would have carried it for days.
But, in the light of my pending diagnosis I recongnised my exceedingly intense feelings as meltdown, I left the room while no-one was looking and went to sit in my car and cried. I then texted the pastor and said 'I'm in my car on a 10, please help'
It was amazing. She came out, along with a close friend and sat and talked with me for 15 minutes. it was explained properly why the changes were being made and they said they hadn't realised that such a small change would cause me such stress and they apologised and promised to consider that in the future.
I ended up going into the meeting on my usual 5 and even managed to stay for a coffee afterwards.
Having this points out of 10 system in place just makes it so much easier. I can express my panic, and they understand how I am feeling.
Just wanted to share
