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Advice on friendship with younger person

Helpfulfriend

Hello, I am new here.

I was diagnosed with Aspergers (and dyslexia)  around 12 years ago via university that I attended. It seemed to make all the little things that I felt and did, make sense and I am glad I have the diagnosis but it is not something i generally share with people, because I have spent most of my life coping and seeming as though I am like other people, and I manage quite well.

My profession is working with SEN children in schools, and recently started at a secondary school. I have had the opportunity to work with older autistic children and it has been a wonderful experience. I unfortunately am having to leave the job but have got on especially well with one young person at the school because they are also Aspergers and have some of the same sensory issues as myself. I know I have been able to give them some good support and real help in lessons, and I feel that we have become friends to some extent. The young person doesnt really make friends easily and is very socially isolated, but will be sad to not be able to help them further. I have not disclosed my own condition to them because I do not know if they are aware of their condition, and dont want to confuse them. I would like to write a letter to the young person's  parents explaining this, offering friendship to all of them. However I do not know if this is a proper thing to do, and whether it could be misconstued. I would appreciate any advice given.  Thank you

Parents

  • Be very careful!

    You are right, it could be misconstrued.  The young autistic would be classed as 'vulnerable' and the fact that you are also autistic would not, I am sure, be seen as much of a defence if you were seen as 'taking advantage'.

    You have to act in what is seen as a 'professional' manner.  You have met this young person in your professional capacity, and you have to accept that this is how it should be.  'Friendship', unfortunately, is not seen as good between a professional person and those recently in their charge.

    I would suggest you recommend an appropriate support service for the youngster.  If you should then see the counsellor or tutor in a professional capacity, you could then ask the counsellor or tutor generally how this person is getting on and just saying 'remember me to ....'.   You will then manage to keep up with the progress without getting involved or seeing them.

    You may see this person out and about, and provided you have not deliberately gone out of your way to find them, of course you can exchange pleasantries and  may ask how they are getting on.  But that should be the limit.  I know this is very hard but you have to keep your professional and personal life separate. 

    It would just take something to be misinterpreted and you could find yourself on the end of an unpleasant investigation.  However innocent you are such investigations cause a great deal of stress and worry.

Reply

  • Be very careful!

    You are right, it could be misconstrued.  The young autistic would be classed as 'vulnerable' and the fact that you are also autistic would not, I am sure, be seen as much of a defence if you were seen as 'taking advantage'.

    You have to act in what is seen as a 'professional' manner.  You have met this young person in your professional capacity, and you have to accept that this is how it should be.  'Friendship', unfortunately, is not seen as good between a professional person and those recently in their charge.

    I would suggest you recommend an appropriate support service for the youngster.  If you should then see the counsellor or tutor in a professional capacity, you could then ask the counsellor or tutor generally how this person is getting on and just saying 'remember me to ....'.   You will then manage to keep up with the progress without getting involved or seeing them.

    You may see this person out and about, and provided you have not deliberately gone out of your way to find them, of course you can exchange pleasantries and  may ask how they are getting on.  But that should be the limit.  I know this is very hard but you have to keep your professional and personal life separate. 

    It would just take something to be misinterpreted and you could find yourself on the end of an unpleasant investigation.  However innocent you are such investigations cause a great deal of stress and worry.

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