If advocacy companies are not the right type of support, what support is best for my situation?
I'm 25 years old with aspergers and OCD. What all my problems are which I've mentioned, I don't know if it's the aspergers side that effects me with them, or OCD side that effects me or both the aspergers and OCD which effects me with the problem!
My issue/s are that I have a full time job in admin/accounts assistant, I've been with the company for nearly 4 years coming up now doing the same type of job. I don't really know what I want to be honest and have difficulty knowing what is is I want that actually would make my mood feel much better! sometimes I'm really happy and enjoying the job and other times, when I get training not often but once every few months etc, when I don't understand the tasks, I just get quite stressed and annoyed with myself. I only understand tasks that are logical/done in the same way etc. Something in my heart tells me that I just really want to change jobs and I can't really see myself working in this firm moving up in my role in the future because there are so many barriers? I really enjoy the data entry and admin side of things etc but the problem is the background side of it is law etc and I really don't know anything nor do I have a interest in this type of field? It feels like I can't really connect with anyone (as always) there because it feels I'm the odd one out, I understand only my task all logically and don't understand anything the backgrounds of what the higher ups and others are discussing? It's hard to explain but the problem is, how I see aspergers effects me is that I don't really understand any subject what so ever in full depth and detail, not even my hobbies which is computer games, browsing web and anime etc, I heard that people on the autism spectrum tend to be best to find jobs which are suited to their interests because they are obsessed with that particular hobby, they'll have a great deal of knowledge to take advantage of it in a job which they'll really understand about. It's not the same for me though? I noticed when people talk about things the same interest as me, they always seem to exceed my knowledge on stuff like video games, anime, computers and I don't really understand what it is they are talking about even though I do know a great deal of the subject it just seems like it's there but not there if it makes sense? I don't know if it's the communication difficulty, or just difficulty understanding the information but I just follow the same ways on how I carry out my particular hobbies but never seem to understand them myself? I just have a great deal of difficulty explaining what I actually mean to say and getting my point across? Just like now. I think I do want to find a job focused on admin but to do with my hobbies? If it's even possible to get data entry admin position related to video games it would be great! But my average understanding of the subject and getting confused with about everything in life just lets me down? I do see myself in the future working in admin in GAME (if possible for this type of role) though as it maybe slightly more relaxing, easier for me if it's in a environment that's to do with video games I enjoy? I also know it's really difficult for aspies/people with autisim to find a full time job? I get really worried that if I do find a new job, I will have to re learn all the procedures and what if I can't suceed and understand it then? And what will the new tasks of admin be like etc. It was so difficult for me to even get the job that I have now and to understand how to do the most simple of tasks that I do now? I'm sort of settled in, I am confident on the tasks I do in my job now?
Most people my age must have settled in with something they really want to do and start to move up in their careers where as me, my job just feels like a job to me and I know I won't be able to do what my manager does to move up to his level because his type of job as I listened in isn't that logical at all and I know I'll definitely struggle with stuff that is not logical because I never been able to overcome this problem my whole life. Anything which is a grey area, my brain just can't cope and I get so much confusion, my brain thinks of too many outcomes and it just gives me too much anxiety and I just feel like I had enough. In my job what I do now, I just feel like I really had enough by the end of the day and when I get home, I just need to do my hobbies all night and shut off from everyone else because I had enough. I think from what I see of it, it's not really my job that's stressful, it's the too much communication with people and I just don't like talking too much at all because I can't cope, and with loads of anxiety issues with OCD as well? I'm getting treatment for OCD shortly and hope it'll help but because the people I work with is quite talkative, and also I have to talk to others during my job when needed, I just can't cope especially when some days end up with that I have to communicate to people more than I wanted to?
If I ask for advocacy, the other problem is that something tells me I really need support but what really annoys me is my brain keeps going round in a loop and I don't really know what it actually is I need support with to make things "right" if that's what it's called? I don't know what I want at all? I'm really just confused all the time. Feels like I'm just dragging through my life, take each day as it arrives etc.
I just have been doing the same thing all my life, like when I was in High School, College, now work, it'll be do that first, then it'll be get home, then spend a lot of time on my hobbies, I really like routine and if I can't do the things I want to do, then I get really irritated, stressed, anxious etc.
Learning to drive and filling out the driving license form and other relevant forms? is advocacy the right type of help for this? I get so confused and just I also need a advocate or someone to explain to driving company how I will struggle to learn if it's not explained very logically and clearly and I just get anxious quite easily as well? I still need to research on best companies to teach people how to drive if they have disabilities like myself. I want my goal of 2017 to learn how to drive as I feel this may make me feel a bit better if I'm slowly progressing but not sure yet. And needing to find out costs as well etc. I really need someone to be by my side while the right people explains driving costs like car insurance to me etc because I know this part of myself way to well that there will be a high chance I won't understand what they're on about, and probably will need it explained differently, presented visually and logically etc.
I'll probably make an appointment to see an advocate for them just to explain what they actually do, I get so annoyed with myself because even when I spent ages googling advocacy, Youtubing videos on what it actually is, I just can't seem to ever understand it or even take any of that information in no matter how many times I tried re reading/ re watching it etc. This applies to most of the things I research, I just get more and more confused, I think of too many possibilities with the information, and answer my own question with another question, get too anxious and just end up really having to stop looking at is as I lost the motivation after that?
All this may sound a bit weird but just I can't help it, I don't actually have any understanding of how anything works in the world and just like to stick to the simple things ever/ same things that I already know about. I just find everything so confusing?
