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Relationship with family

jeeves3

Hi,

I have Aspergers. I feel quite confused about the relationship with my mum. I would say at least 70% of the time she's quite rude to me. When she's like this, she's quite dismissive with me, makes no attempt to conceal her boredom if she'd rather be watching the telly, or makes me feel stupid if I say something stupid, or without thinking. One of the things I struggle with is that sometimes I have difficulty understanding what people mean because I take things literally as my first instinct. If this happens, she always rolls her eyes and then behaves patronisingly  so I wish I'd never said anything. She claims that if there's something on the telly that she wants to watch, I deliberately disturb her and talk to her so she can't watch it. I've never deliberately tried to do this - I haven't got any friends, so her and dad are my only source of interaction, so I only talk to her because I would like a conversation with her, I'm not trying to disturb her. After a while of   her being patronising or rude to me, in my head I just give up on trying to be nice to her and end up only talking to her if she engages. 

But then I think about the fact that although most of the time she doesn't talk to me nicely, she has done everything for me. She arrives home almost every day being angry about something because shes stuck in a horrible job, which she only sticks with to earn money for the family. She always thinks of me and buys me little treats. I find this so weird, that most of her energy has gone into making sure I have the best, but most of the time I feel degraded around her because shes just so rude to me. I'm quite a sensitive person, and I dont know whether to be upset with her or understanding or both, because Im fed up of being treated like that. 

Any help would be much appreciated :)

Parents

  • In my local authority area it is policy not to allocate a co-ordinator/manager to those whose care is managed by the local community learning disabilities teams.  This is in stark contrast to the mental health teams who usually have a named co-ordinator for all service users supported by them.  I have been pressing for a change, particularly bearing mind that those with Autism (I have two sons with AS), need to have familiarity, consistency and trust with professionals.  Co-ordinators/managers are only allocated if there is a "crisis".  It seems nonsense to me that people with AS in "crisis" will be presented with a complete stranger and expected to work with them under such stress.  Also, the professional will have precious little knowledge of the service-user and how to work with them.  To date I have had little success but I wonder if anyone else has any experience of this problem, or any advice to help me try to move things forward?

Reply

  • In my local authority area it is policy not to allocate a co-ordinator/manager to those whose care is managed by the local community learning disabilities teams.  This is in stark contrast to the mental health teams who usually have a named co-ordinator for all service users supported by them.  I have been pressing for a change, particularly bearing mind that those with Autism (I have two sons with AS), need to have familiarity, consistency and trust with professionals.  Co-ordinators/managers are only allocated if there is a "crisis".  It seems nonsense to me that people with AS in "crisis" will be presented with a complete stranger and expected to work with them under such stress.  Also, the professional will have precious little knowledge of the service-user and how to work with them.  To date I have had little success but I wonder if anyone else has any experience of this problem, or any advice to help me try to move things forward?

Children
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