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Relationship with family

jeeves3

Hi,

I have Aspergers. I feel quite confused about the relationship with my mum. I would say at least 70% of the time she's quite rude to me. When she's like this, she's quite dismissive with me, makes no attempt to conceal her boredom if she'd rather be watching the telly, or makes me feel stupid if I say something stupid, or without thinking. One of the things I struggle with is that sometimes I have difficulty understanding what people mean because I take things literally as my first instinct. If this happens, she always rolls her eyes and then behaves patronisingly  so I wish I'd never said anything. She claims that if there's something on the telly that she wants to watch, I deliberately disturb her and talk to her so she can't watch it. I've never deliberately tried to do this - I haven't got any friends, so her and dad are my only source of interaction, so I only talk to her because I would like a conversation with her, I'm not trying to disturb her. After a while of   her being patronising or rude to me, in my head I just give up on trying to be nice to her and end up only talking to her if she engages. 

But then I think about the fact that although most of the time she doesn't talk to me nicely, she has done everything for me. She arrives home almost every day being angry about something because shes stuck in a horrible job, which she only sticks with to earn money for the family. She always thinks of me and buys me little treats. I find this so weird, that most of her energy has gone into making sure I have the best, but most of the time I feel degraded around her because shes just so rude to me. I'm quite a sensitive person, and I dont know whether to be upset with her or understanding or both, because Im fed up of being treated like that. 

Any help would be much appreciated :)

Parents

  • Hi Jeeves, Your post is very familiar to my relationship with my mother when she was alive. I always wanted to have a meaningful conversation with her but it never happened. Even after I had a nervous breakdown and got divorced from my wife she seemed to blame me entirely and never accepted any responsibility for my mental condition. I know now she was on the spectrum herself and my sister has had similar but less severe problems to mine. My father knew that there was a problem while my mother was alive and only acknowledged it after she died saying to me at her funeral "she gave you a hard time".  I know this is not very helpful to you in your situation because I never found a way of breaking through myself but I hope it helps to know you are not alone with what you are going through. Can you talk to your father perhaps? Or your GP?

    Take care, Laddie.

Reply

  • Hi Jeeves, Your post is very familiar to my relationship with my mother when she was alive. I always wanted to have a meaningful conversation with her but it never happened. Even after I had a nervous breakdown and got divorced from my wife she seemed to blame me entirely and never accepted any responsibility for my mental condition. I know now she was on the spectrum herself and my sister has had similar but less severe problems to mine. My father knew that there was a problem while my mother was alive and only acknowledged it after she died saying to me at her funeral "she gave you a hard time".  I know this is not very helpful to you in your situation because I never found a way of breaking through myself but I hope it helps to know you are not alone with what you are going through. Can you talk to your father perhaps? Or your GP?

    Take care, Laddie.

Children
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