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I need advice about work.

illneverbeold

Hello, I have a son with Aspergers and I am also on the spectrum. Exactly where has never been confirmed.

My boss recently described me as caustic. I told him that isn't possible since I've only asked things of people to complete what he requires of me. Also, I'd never gossip or make personal attacks on anyone. He is a very intelligent person, so he knows what the word means. I KNOW I'm straight forward and to the point. I don't understand why it is offensive as long as you don't put anyone down or make personal attacks. I do not cunduct business on an emotional level, yet most people do. I see myself as a very straight forward person, but polite, civil and am very good at my job (my boss can't argue that!). But people get offended because I don't use niceties (hey, how's your family, etc. , I just can't be superficial) in speaking with them  unless they begin with one such as good morning, how are you? I will return the nicety (such a waste of time), they are even intimidated by my demeanor. When people do get to know me, they generally like me. My husband says I don't smile a lot. What does that even matter...I'm just looking, why would I need to smile at everyone? Can you relate? How were you able to turn it around better? I'm 41 years old and this isn't the first job this has happened at.

  • He did change it to abrasive when I told him that using the word caustic is a personal attack. 

    I've started making my requests of others in person to see if that might be helpful. Also, I'm trying to seem more 'aceptable' but I still disagree with him. If you do your job well and aren't mean to others than it should be fine. 

  • Former Member
    Former Member

    illneverbeold said:

    I told him that isn't possible

    He is telling you that he feels that you are abrasive. You can't tell him how he feels! It is entirely possible that this is the way he feels. He will feel that it is rude of you to tell him what he can possibly think and what he can't possibly think.

    It is necessary, when one has autism, to struggle harder to see things from other peoples' point of view. You have to try to imagine what it feels like to be them. Non autistic people are much more naturally adept at this skill but for us it is something that has to be learnt rather than something that comes naturally.

  • It's just your wiring, that's all.

    You don't mean to upset people but because you look at life differently cannot relate to most other people on an emotional level.

    All you can really do is to try to learn the the 'language' of social interaction which isn't easy but can be done if you really work at it.