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Struggling after moving

PenFriend62

Hi,

I recently started a new job after leaving university, which has meant moving miles away from my family to a completely new town where I don't know anyone. I've always had problems connecting with people, and though I've got a lot better at talking to people, it never develops any further than that. I feel extremely lonely and isolated, which I know is totally down to me. I constantly analyse how I'm acting around people and worry a lot about how I'm coming across. I talked to people at university but in the 3 years I was there didn't make any friends who I will see again.

Although I have some hobbies such as reading and playing video games, I don't have any really strong interests, so I struggle to think of things to talk about and feel I am very uninteresting. I also struggle a lot with remembering things. I really don't know how to meet new people and especially how to get to know anyone as more than as an acquaintance. I worry that this is how my brain is and that I will have to settle with constantly feeling distant from other people. 

Does anyone have any experience of something like this? I would love to know how you get on with meeting people and moving to new places.

  • Hi,

    I can relate a lot to what you have said, and still struggle with socialising having just turned 50. I do remember feeling lonely and isolated, that was down to not being able to build a close relationship with someone, rather than wanting to socialise with friends

    I do have strong interests, but this doesn't seem to help me with finding what to say, except on some rare occaisions. I know of someone with aspergers who can easily talk at great length and in great depth about his interests and experience, others react negatively from that because the conversation is too intense. I guess I am at the opposite side to that.

    It takes a lot of effort to strike up a conversation, and usually dies after a few sentences in to an awkard sense of silence. There are odd occaisions when conversations suddenly seem to happen, and you get in to a flow, but I am just shocked and surprised to what am I doing differently.

    I have moved around a lot, it does take time (a couple of years) for me to feel settled in a new environment. Some moves have been good, and a few have been bad. The bad ones have mainly been down to me not liking where I am living, or problems with my job, and not recognising that.

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