I wasn't diagnosed until recently but now I am diagnosed...
I got my first job at 16 when I left college because it was too much for me. I got a job at McDonald's, very quickly I realised I wasn't really getting on with any of the people there. They put me on till and I kept getting sent home because I sounded rude and I wasn't making eye contact with the customers. As far as I was aware, I was doing everything right. It wasn't good enough, though, and I was constantly getting panic attacks and stuff from the pressure they put on me. They moved me into the kitchen where I was definitely more comfortable, but I still didn't get on with most of the staff, especially the management. I would stutter so much I couldn't actually talk to them and I'd start shaking a lot. I could never convey my opinions.
I picked up the job very quickly, and I did it really well and I was speedy, but I felt like it wasn't enough. It mustn't be just me that thinks this, but employers care more about how much you get along with people than how well you actually are at the job. I wasn't there to make friends, I was there to work. I couldn't get along with the staff so I gave up trying. I did make about 1 or 2 friends and I had a few people I got along with; I met my current boyfriend when I started working at McDonald's. I just couldn't connect with the management on any level at all and I couldn't connect with the till staff and most of grill. Every performance review I got said I was grumpy and I need to smile more. I feel like they were biased.
I left McDonalds when I was 18, to start college for the 3rd time. They didn't even give me shifts for my notice period, they were happy to get rid of me... College blew, by the way. I made a few friends and because there were teenage girls in my class, they made rumours and my friends believed them and everything turned upside down and out of proportion. This is when I started to think that there was something actually wrong with me and the way I socialise. It can't be coincidence that I can't get along with others ANYWHERE.
I quit college and started an apprenticeship in a hair salon. The customers were good. I could connect with them, I had a little bit more of a cheery attitude about me. I found that the staff at the salon were beginning to grate on me a little bit, they were treating me like a skivvy and I wasn't being trained right. I started to feel really miserable and I began to drink a lot and I wasn't treating myself right for a few months. I don't know what happened to me and I was miserable. This was when I started going to the doctors, getting counselling for depression and taking different anti depressants (None of them worked). I lost my job at the hair salon because I was just taking so much time off because I couldn't stand being there any more.
I was referred to a psychiatrist who ruled out autism and then I was referred to specialists for autism and adhd. I was taken off of like the 5th anti depressant medication I took and then I was put on quetiapine for my anxiety and to make me sleep. Not had a sleepless night since!
I was unemployed for a while, I had a temp job with my friend a few weeks ago at a funfair for about 3 weeks and I had anxiety attacks because the customers were mean and there were too many colours and noises and I tried my best. Unemployed again now but I'm just waiting for college to start so I can try again.
