The way I see my autism is like a big boulder that is in the way and blocking my ability to use my brain to the full potential. Every time in life when I try to live a life like everyone else, like try to socialize with people, go on a date, go to events, join a college or apply for a job it always backfires.
I can study how other people who are not on the spectrum live and compare it to my life and see what is different, and the fact, no matter how hard I try to get what they have, it never feels right, it feels like an awkward replica of what they have. I know some families say "If I could, I would never take autism away from my son because it is part of who he is" I accept that it is probably true in their case, but all people with autism are different and mine is as far from who I am as possible!
Autism is not my personality, my true personality cannot be let out as it is being weighed down. There's a lot of things I missed out on in life because my autism was preventing me from doing it. I wanted to study in college and work towards a decent job, but it ended up being so nervewracking and difficult. I'm now heading for the same path as my parents, who are both 40 and depressed with very low income because they partied when they were young and didn't go onto further learning, something they both regret, the only difference is I didn't mess around with my life..
I can study how other people who are not on the spectrum live and compare it to my life and see what is different, and the fact, no matter how hard I try to get what they have, it never feels right, it feels like an awkward replica of what they have. I know some families say "If I could, I would never take autism away from my son because it is part of who he is" I accept that it is probably true in their case, but all people with autism are different and mine is as far from who I am as possible!
Autism is not my personality, my true personality cannot be let out as it is being weighed down. There's a lot of things I missed out on in life because my autism was preventing me from doing it. I wanted to study in college and work towards a decent job, but it ended up being so nervewracking and difficult. I'm now heading for the same path as my parents, who are both 40 and depressed with very low income because they partied when they were young and didn't go onto further learning, something they both regret, the only difference is I didn't mess around with my life..
