Is this something that other people struggle with? I’m going through a separation and divorce, some of the issues are down to what I’ve worked out as being the relationship attachment styles that my wife and I have; however, I keep finding myself coming back around to the idea that I may be HFA or at least have an ASD of some sort.
I can now see that a lot of my behaviours at times were unhealthy, and my wife speaks of feeling oppressed by me, of feeling crushed, and I acknowledge that some of that did constitute emotional abusive behaviour. I’m not pleased about that, I don’t like the thought that I was, and all I can say in mitigation is that at no point did I ever think “this isn’t right”. Put simply, I thought our relationship was just the same as everyone else’s.
I know can’t fathom how I thought that could be the case. I am not sure that I could ever say that I loved my wife, I am very unsure of my feelings and even struggle to recognise that I have feelings. My psychotherapist has flagged this with me; he will point out to me that I clearly can feel things, because I get upset relating parts of my relationship story and start to cry.
I am comforted by the fact that I can understand why the relationship broke down, but not am frustrated that it is feeling that I am striving for, rather than understanding. Knowing the theory behind it is good, but I’m conscious I am perhaps too analytical rather than just letting myself feel things. Does anyone else with a diagnosis have similar issues?
