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What am I?

Lotus

I score 40 on the AQ test. I identify with a great many issues posted on here by adults on the Autistic spectrum. But my "Autistic" tendencies (being withdrawn, avoiding eye contact and conversation, not being able to express myself well or understand what someone is getting at, being stressed by an unexpected change to schedule),  only really exhibit themselves when I'm feeling unfairly treated, bullied, manipulated or pressured. 

At the moment things are going pretty well in my life, and I can communicate and interact quite well with other people. I'm "getting it" when people joke about stuff in the office, and using humour myself to set up a rapport with some of my colleagues. I can do "small talk" OK, and can usually judge when to join a conversation and when to shut up. I'm coping better with unexpected challenges, and I'm not so stressed if things don't happen that I expect. I'm not depressed, and my panic attacks have stopped. I don't have any other conditions apart from hypertension, which may have stress as the underlying cause (no other cause has been identified) but is controlled with mild medication

My excellent attention to detail and creative thinking abilities, which is an Aspie trait, has earned me respect from some of my colleagues.

But I still prefer libraries to parties. I stil hate crowds and noise. I still have a high sensitivity to cold, and to the labels in clothes. I still have "special interests" which I can pursue obsessively, some of which are unusual for a woman of my age, such as Doctor Who. I still cannot cope with full time work (too draining, but luckily I'm about to go part time). I still benefit from having some time on my own each day. I'm still a perfectionist and like things done my way. I still don't often think to ask others for their opinions / input.

But I wonder what "Autism" really is. Today a colleague was telling us how his daughter has just been promoted to an Assistant Manager position in a care home for Autistic people. He said that the behaviour of the residents can be quite challenging sometimes, and the young men will sometimes squeeze her "boobs". When someone questioned this, he replied "but they're Autistic". However I don't remember seeing anything on the Autistic "triad of impairments" stating that Autistic people may have problems with keeping their hands off of ladies bosoms! Is this behaviour due to a learning disability, rather than autism? 

So, am I an autistic who has learned to mimic social behaviour, cut ties with everyone who has tried to manipulate or pressure me, has had the support of an Aspie partner all my adult life, and has no other conditions common in Aspies (like ADD, dyslexia, etc) and therefore is managing life as successfully as the average person can? Or am I not really Autistic? 

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  • Former Member
    Former Member

    NAS18906 said:

    Labels and categorisation are one of the cornerstones of language and our mechanisms for understanding things, like ourselves, in a scientific and systematic way. We use categories all of the time to separate cats from dogs, introverts from extroverts, people with autism from people who are not autistic. Autism is just one part of ourselves and it is only useful to apply the label if it helps us to think about that part of ourselves in a useful or helpful way. Personally I find it useful to be able to read books about that particular aspect of myself. It has helped me to make sense of my problems with dealing with the world. I find this label immensely useful and helpful. It is only part of me and does not define "me" to the point where someone else can understand who I am from that label alone.

    I have mixed feelings about the subject and I agree with you both.  Which is terribly uncharacteristic of me, so I'll disagree with you both and get into a fight!  Yay! :D

    ahem.  Er anyway, yes, likewise, having an ASD diagnosis has been an enormous help to me making sense of why I'm the way I am, but also who am am too.  Obviously not just the diagnosis, I mean that just put a punctuation mark on it, but the knowledge that ASD was a feature was extremely helpful and in particular it gave me a counter-argument to people who said I'm not the way I "should" be.  It allows me to be myself.

    But the label thing can be a mixed blessing, and is one reason I'd rejected the idea it might be a thing: I had totally the wrong idea about autism and thought it was a rigid, fixed thing that if I admitted it would also come to define my personality, which I didn't want because I'm me, not a tick-in-a-box.  It was only when an online acquaintaince (incidentally, who directed me here: hi, if you're reading!) described her brother's autism in the context of him being another video game fan that the penny dropped and even something as trivial as that meant a person could coexist outside of the narrow confines I'd previously assumed.  So now I get it, but previously the label was attached to a very small box that didn't give a lot of scope for individuality.  Were there any doubt she also pointed out that we're very, very different people.

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  • Former Member
    Former Member

    NAS18906 said:

    Labels and categorisation are one of the cornerstones of language and our mechanisms for understanding things, like ourselves, in a scientific and systematic way. We use categories all of the time to separate cats from dogs, introverts from extroverts, people with autism from people who are not autistic. Autism is just one part of ourselves and it is only useful to apply the label if it helps us to think about that part of ourselves in a useful or helpful way. Personally I find it useful to be able to read books about that particular aspect of myself. It has helped me to make sense of my problems with dealing with the world. I find this label immensely useful and helpful. It is only part of me and does not define "me" to the point where someone else can understand who I am from that label alone.

    I have mixed feelings about the subject and I agree with you both.  Which is terribly uncharacteristic of me, so I'll disagree with you both and get into a fight!  Yay! :D

    ahem.  Er anyway, yes, likewise, having an ASD diagnosis has been an enormous help to me making sense of why I'm the way I am, but also who am am too.  Obviously not just the diagnosis, I mean that just put a punctuation mark on it, but the knowledge that ASD was a feature was extremely helpful and in particular it gave me a counter-argument to people who said I'm not the way I "should" be.  It allows me to be myself.

    But the label thing can be a mixed blessing, and is one reason I'd rejected the idea it might be a thing: I had totally the wrong idea about autism and thought it was a rigid, fixed thing that if I admitted it would also come to define my personality, which I didn't want because I'm me, not a tick-in-a-box.  It was only when an online acquaintaince (incidentally, who directed me here: hi, if you're reading!) described her brother's autism in the context of him being another video game fan that the penny dropped and even something as trivial as that meant a person could coexist outside of the narrow confines I'd previously assumed.  So now I get it, but previously the label was attached to a very small box that didn't give a lot of scope for individuality.  Were there any doubt she also pointed out that we're very, very different people.

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