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What am I?

Lotus

I score 40 on the AQ test. I identify with a great many issues posted on here by adults on the Autistic spectrum. But my "Autistic" tendencies (being withdrawn, avoiding eye contact and conversation, not being able to express myself well or understand what someone is getting at, being stressed by an unexpected change to schedule),  only really exhibit themselves when I'm feeling unfairly treated, bullied, manipulated or pressured. 

At the moment things are going pretty well in my life, and I can communicate and interact quite well with other people. I'm "getting it" when people joke about stuff in the office, and using humour myself to set up a rapport with some of my colleagues. I can do "small talk" OK, and can usually judge when to join a conversation and when to shut up. I'm coping better with unexpected challenges, and I'm not so stressed if things don't happen that I expect. I'm not depressed, and my panic attacks have stopped. I don't have any other conditions apart from hypertension, which may have stress as the underlying cause (no other cause has been identified) but is controlled with mild medication

My excellent attention to detail and creative thinking abilities, which is an Aspie trait, has earned me respect from some of my colleagues.

But I still prefer libraries to parties. I stil hate crowds and noise. I still have a high sensitivity to cold, and to the labels in clothes. I still have "special interests" which I can pursue obsessively, some of which are unusual for a woman of my age, such as Doctor Who. I still cannot cope with full time work (too draining, but luckily I'm about to go part time). I still benefit from having some time on my own each day. I'm still a perfectionist and like things done my way. I still don't often think to ask others for their opinions / input.

But I wonder what "Autism" really is. Today a colleague was telling us how his daughter has just been promoted to an Assistant Manager position in a care home for Autistic people. He said that the behaviour of the residents can be quite challenging sometimes, and the young men will sometimes squeeze her "boobs". When someone questioned this, he replied "but they're Autistic". However I don't remember seeing anything on the Autistic "triad of impairments" stating that Autistic people may have problems with keeping their hands off of ladies bosoms! Is this behaviour due to a learning disability, rather than autism? 

So, am I an autistic who has learned to mimic social behaviour, cut ties with everyone who has tried to manipulate or pressure me, has had the support of an Aspie partner all my adult life, and has no other conditions common in Aspies (like ADD, dyslexia, etc) and therefore is managing life as successfully as the average person can? Or am I not really Autistic? 

Parents
  • Former Member
    Former Member

    I think you probably have learned to "fit in" with typical social situations as many of us do; occasionally I even enjoy them, although they're hard work and really rather tiring.  Which I think leads on to your other point where those ASD-type traits start to come out when you're not really able to be on top form: nobody is when they're being subjected to any sort of stress, bullying or whatever.  So it all sounds really pretty normal to me.  I mean normal for ASD.  Speaking as a total non-expert whose only knowledge is talking to a few other ASD-type people!

    It is a scale, though, or perhaps more correctly a graph with several axes (no, I'm not going to try to imagine a multi-dimensional graph because I'll end up with a headache).  Some people will find it much harder to adapt or cope with everyday life and the people you'll find in a care home will likely be the ones who struggle most with thats sort of thing.  As to some of the observed habits, I'm not sure if autism would lead to that degree of disinhibition and/or poor judgement or if that's just an unrelated personality trait.

    Where other conditions are concerned, I think it's common to have stuff like ADD and dyspraxia as well as various other things like depression and anxiety, but at least some of these could be picked up over the course of one's life if it isn't exactly ideal, and my own recent diagnosis made those exact points, though whether that's all or some of them, I'm not certain.  And I guess we're all different anyway: I wouldn't get too hung up on what someone else's ASD looks like, just whether you feel you fit that pattern and if a diagnosis would help you.  I think in my case it has helped me better understand myself and gives me some validation, and on the way there I did start to realise that people with ASD are as varied and different as those without.  In fact my failure to understand that is probably one of the major reasons I put off getting a diagnosis for so long.

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  • Former Member
    Former Member

    I think you probably have learned to "fit in" with typical social situations as many of us do; occasionally I even enjoy them, although they're hard work and really rather tiring.  Which I think leads on to your other point where those ASD-type traits start to come out when you're not really able to be on top form: nobody is when they're being subjected to any sort of stress, bullying or whatever.  So it all sounds really pretty normal to me.  I mean normal for ASD.  Speaking as a total non-expert whose only knowledge is talking to a few other ASD-type people!

    It is a scale, though, or perhaps more correctly a graph with several axes (no, I'm not going to try to imagine a multi-dimensional graph because I'll end up with a headache).  Some people will find it much harder to adapt or cope with everyday life and the people you'll find in a care home will likely be the ones who struggle most with thats sort of thing.  As to some of the observed habits, I'm not sure if autism would lead to that degree of disinhibition and/or poor judgement or if that's just an unrelated personality trait.

    Where other conditions are concerned, I think it's common to have stuff like ADD and dyspraxia as well as various other things like depression and anxiety, but at least some of these could be picked up over the course of one's life if it isn't exactly ideal, and my own recent diagnosis made those exact points, though whether that's all or some of them, I'm not certain.  And I guess we're all different anyway: I wouldn't get too hung up on what someone else's ASD looks like, just whether you feel you fit that pattern and if a diagnosis would help you.  I think in my case it has helped me better understand myself and gives me some validation, and on the way there I did start to realise that people with ASD are as varied and different as those without.  In fact my failure to understand that is probably one of the major reasons I put off getting a diagnosis for so long.

Children
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