Hello,
Firstly, I'm new here so sorry if this is in the wrong section.
My boyfriend is 24 and has Aspergers, he was officially diagnosed in 2014.
Last year we attended a medical assessment for ESA after a year of sicknotes due to their back log, and thankfully he was put into the Support Group. He had a meeting with a pleasant lady who listened to him and (I think) understood what he went through and how he lived his life with autism. We live together and I do pretty much everything. I go everywhere with him and do most of the talking.
He had a re-assessment on Monday (4th July), and this did not go so well. My boyfriend decided to go in alone (as he did last time) because he finds it difficult talking, and 2 people there is harder than 1.. Especially with such personal things being discussed. I waited in the waiting room for him. About halfway thougg the lady came out and called me in. She was pretty cold and my boyfriend told me she basically repeated the questions to me that she asked him. She basically believed he was lying. When I pretty much repeated his answers she looked at me as if I was lying too. She tried to wormhole little things. For example, when asked if he does any house work, we told her I do pretty much everything except he does the hoovering.. But only when there will be guests because it's stressful and he feels pressured to for them. She then said while typing something like "Ok so he does house work".. we tried to dispute this and clarify, but she didn't even acknowledge it. There was a big section she missed out on decision making and direction taking, which plays a huge role in his life. Unfortunately we were eagar to get out of that awful situation.. It's easy to forget and miss things. One big area she through we were lying about was personal hygeine. My boyfriend does not routinely wash or brush his teeth. He doesn't feel a need for it, and I have huge trouble getting him to. We explained this to her, but she looked at him and said "He looks fine, his teeth are all there and not black.. I have to write that." He shaved and showered the day before, because he was worried about his appearance at the meeting. When you stress you do things to try and help. I also encouraged him to be presentable for it. We basically came out wishing he didn't bother to shower or shave.. that he'd gone making no effort (Is that right?!) She made us both feel extremely bad, even worse than before the interview and I thought that was bad enough. She barely touched on another 2 of the most important subjects; not going out alone, and not being able to cope with change (any examples we came up with she would put down by saying "But you did it" to which we replied "because we had to and with difficulty", like we had to move out the flat for a month due to refurbishment, we could hardly stay in a building site).
Sorry for the ramble, I just wanted to explain some things that happened. To the point in this post...
He received a phone call this morning from ESA to arrange an appointment to speak to a decision maker. He handed the phone to me, and she told me they'd phone on Monday from 9am and 3pm. She also made a note that I would be taking the call because he is not confident speaking on the phone. Has anyone else experienced this, and what kind of thing should I expect? I've read online that it's a bad thing, and usually indicates a low score. Some have said they were told outright they failed, others have said they were asked further questions to clarify some points. Could anyone tell me their experiences please? I'm a very anxious person and I'm extremely worried about this. I do not want to let him down or forget anything I want to talk about if given the chance.
I'm trying to take it as a positive; a kind of 2nd chance to explain his troubles and condition. He tells me she didn't once ask him anything specific about as Aspergers or how it affects him, she literally went off the descriptors. They have the medical form where he was diagnosed with Aspergers, and I'm pretty sure it's the only time it's mentioned. She said "So nothing has changed?" We answered not really and she seemed very judgemental and though it was crazy that his Aspergers hadn't changed. Like he was supposed to have a new diagnosis every year. Is this normal? His doctor never really understood his autism. While on sick notes she threatened to end them everytime because we were waiting so long for him to be put on ESA properly. She just piled medication on him that didn't really help. It was a psychologist he was referred to by a temporary stand in doctor that diagnosed him officially.
I am really sorry for the long ramble. It's not been a good morning at all. I just really want to help him get the support he needs, and if he is told to claim JSA (which he struggled through for 2 years), then it will not be good for him. Any advice or experience stories are welcome.
