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Intense eye contact

westie
over 8 years ago

Hi. I work with an adult who has aspergers, as his support worker at HE college. We get along very well and i have worked with other ASD students in the past, but i've never known the amount of eye contact he gives me, in any of my past students. He really looks deep into my eyes when he is talking to me and never breaks it when i talk back to him. He also frequently looks at my mouth and then back up to my eyes when im talking back to him. He totally zoned in on my mouth the other day amd parted his lips whilst doing so. If i didn't know any better....well, you know where i'm going with my thoughts on this. I know ive gone into facial cues / body language descriptions in detsil, but i do need some answers re this. We are both adults, but does all this mean he has a crush on me? Id like some answers if anyone has any.

Thanks

Parents
  • over 8 years ago

    westie said:

    Hi and thankyou to both of you for your comments. I haven't got Aspergers and so your replies are both valuable to me. I wouldnt and couldnt enter a relationship with him due to work regulations,  but i did need some guidance re the signals he is giving off. He has mentioned that he doesnt like being touched by people and he likes his space, yet there has been times when he has got close to me when going through some work. I suppose really im asking with all these signals is it a case of, do you think, that he has a good amount of trust in me? Does he feel comfortable around me? Im asking this bc given how he is i do feel that this is something i can be proud of, that he does feel 'relaxed'.

    Thanks

    It certainly sounds like that's the case, westie.  I've worked with people over the years who've been - on the account of colleagues - very difficult to work with.  Yet I've managed to work well with them.  Partly, I think, it's about identifying with them at a level that cannot be instilled by training.  Good carers are born, not trained.  So it sounds like you've broken that barrier and developed a natural rapport.  You're trusted, because you're showing respect and understanding.

    Having said that, of course... if you begin to get 'advances' that aren't welcome, then you need to make it understood - however you can - that such things aren't appropriate.  It can be a delicate situation.  But I think you'll manage it.  You sound like you know what you're doing and are very professional in your approach.

Reply
  • over 8 years ago

    westie said:

    Hi and thankyou to both of you for your comments. I haven't got Aspergers and so your replies are both valuable to me. I wouldnt and couldnt enter a relationship with him due to work regulations,  but i did need some guidance re the signals he is giving off. He has mentioned that he doesnt like being touched by people and he likes his space, yet there has been times when he has got close to me when going through some work. I suppose really im asking with all these signals is it a case of, do you think, that he has a good amount of trust in me? Does he feel comfortable around me? Im asking this bc given how he is i do feel that this is something i can be proud of, that he does feel 'relaxed'.

    Thanks

    It certainly sounds like that's the case, westie.  I've worked with people over the years who've been - on the account of colleagues - very difficult to work with.  Yet I've managed to work well with them.  Partly, I think, it's about identifying with them at a level that cannot be instilled by training.  Good carers are born, not trained.  So it sounds like you've broken that barrier and developed a natural rapport.  You're trusted, because you're showing respect and understanding.

    Having said that, of course... if you begin to get 'advances' that aren't welcome, then you need to make it understood - however you can - that such things aren't appropriate.  It can be a delicate situation.  But I think you'll manage it.  You sound like you know what you're doing and are very professional in your approach.

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