Hi.
I'm new to this forum. But I am looking for advice. My son is 19. He was always hard work, insaitiable but needed feeding information constantly. He didn't seem to mix but alway a friend, generally a girl. He was always sick as a baby, what I would call projectile after being fed. Being a new mother you listen to health professionals advice. Being a mum doesn't come as easily as you would think. He was poorly around 14 mths which was a virus type of thing and stopped him mobilising. Take into account he was running around at 8 mths! He changed a lot after that. He hated swimmimg which he used to love, twice a week, his diet changed, he never liked meat much but loved fruit and vegetables and fish. His sleep pattern changed once he started school, he slept much better, because he was learning. He was good at school, never had a bad word said about him. He didn't like team sports much or contact sports. At 11 I took him to the doctors about his diet. I thought by this age there should have been an improvement. I eventually saw a dietician, who basically said I didn't give him enough choice, ie, no sugary junk or cereal, crisps etc. My sons face was a picture, bigs smiles and not the answer or advice I wanted! Then at 13 he had a mad moment and laid into me all because I wanted to stop and take a photo. It hurt a lot and resulted a cyst forming on my ***. I then seeked help through the school councillor and was referred to a child support worker from Banardos. He would visit the house,but engagement was minimal with my son. He advised me on diet, disicpline etc. It was really hard and not a battle I won. My son never hit me again, I did say I would go to the police if he did, as abuse isn't acceptable. But emotionally I still had abuse and his younger sybling also. The support worker presented to CAMS his views on my son and it was rejected as being just an angry child. My son's father said it was how I was with him etc. Although my son spent every weekend with his dad he thought he was ok. So it was me, I was the problem. So I decided at 17 after Connor decided not to do his A Levels, turn up for the exams!,it was better that he moved to his dads.
Over the years I nagged, or should I say kept asking questions, ie, are you on drugs, struggling with sexuality, bullied, unhappy etc. I couldn't explain the highs and lows. The fact I had no control over him, the rudeness, the nastyness, the no emotion no smiling face. It was different. His younger sybling was totally different. Just before he moved to his dads, he text me and said he thought he was depressed. So I contacted the school councillor, who reported back that he needed to see a doctor. The doctor made a referral to CAMS. Nearly 6 mths later. Then we had to wait for another appointment with a specialist. Another wait! This fella was great, he knew straight away just from what I told him. The another wait.......My son is now 19, his diagnosis was at nearly 18. He is now adult and is choosing to find his own way. He doesn't want the lable, autistic but he can't work in a normal enviroment. I cannot say anything now without it being deemed as contracending. His dad said he is fine and coping. I beg to differ. He doesn't go out, he doesn't like people or crowds, he doesn't claim benefits. I cannot presuade him to go to Wessex autism events for support. He is hugely intelligent,especially with computers, and headphones. I worry when myself and his dad are not around, although my son thinks he will be fine as I own my house! He rarely speaks to me on the phone. I worry about his future and how to try and get him to do some sort of work and not shut himself away. Being anywhere on the spectrum is difficult and because he can look after himself to a degree, ie, wash, dress, eat and can read write and is polite and can talk on a one toone basis, help isn't really there. He is going to become forgotten. Its really very upsetting. Had I had know more about how to be with professionals, myself being a person who listens and takes advice, I should have shouted, pleaded I couldn't cope, cried, then maybe just maybe thing may have been different.
Looking for advice for the future, where to go what to do how to get my son out there in the big old world.
Apologies for any terrible english and mistakes!
