• Replies 3 replies
  • Subscribers 79 subscribers
  • Views 2215 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Being married but not living together all the time...

JDW

Hi,

My wife and I have been married for a year now but the pressures of living in the house with two other people with Autism (one of which is 8) has taken it's toll on both of us. My wife needs the support of a NT person sometimes and all I can offer is the kind of support someone with Asperger's can offer which is quite limited really.

Well in the late summer things got really bad as I had some kind of major meltdown at Butlins, needless to say I have not been invited this year, my wife has always struggled with my Autism and rather unhelpfully feels that because I am an adult I should be able to cope better than other younger people with the same condition. I don't need to tell you that that is rather a simplistic way of regarding the condition.

Well I approached the local council because my wife had had enough and I was at a loss of how to deal with my feelings let alone consider the feeling s of others and they have finally given me accommodation in a supported housing scheme with a view for a place within social housing as and when it is available.

I intend to remain married as I love my wife and she is the centre of my universe but at times I must be infuriating to live with as there is only so much practical, logocal help any woman can use. So we are embarking on a situation that many people will seem as absurd but to me makes all the sense in the world. 

I will have my own environment which I can control organise to my hearts content, I will have time and space to study and indulge some of my obsessions namely Top gear and anything Sherlock Holmes related.

Well forgive me for rambling but is there anyone out ther who understands this compromise or has lived their life this way?

Thanks

James

  • Former Member
    Former Member

    I have an official diagnosis but my partner believes that he is on the spectrum and I agree with him.  This does make life easier since we both feel the same way about times apart.  I can imagine that an NT partner might not understand and be hurt and upset at not living together all  the time as most couples do.

    I've never really considered what other people think.  Some people are curious but I just say that we both prefer our own space and I know he does the same when he's questioned.  I can see that it might be more difficult if we were legally joined.

     

  • Thank you for your reply and I was hoping you could answer a couple of uestions regarding your arrangement. Are you both Autistic or is just one of you? If it is just one of you how does the other feel about the need for time apart? How do other people react to this situation? 

    I would be grateful for any help you can give.

    Thanks

    James

  • Former Member
    Former Member

    My partner and I have lived  this way for a number of years.  We love our  times together but we both need our space and having separate bolt-holes works.