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People relativising AS and telling you that you seem 'normal' to them.

Hope

I hate it with a passion when people say to me, often randomly, 'I don't think anyone would have thought that you struggle with asperger's, you seem so normal', and then they say that they themselves struggled to fit in at school for some reason and does that mean they therefore have aspergers? It is like they are questioning the diagnosis by implying I cannot possibly have AS because I am so chatty and extrovert!. They do not realise how their comments make me feel sick inside, the anguish and stess the comments make me feel, particularly when the comments come from people who should know better. My regular support worker understands me and would never relativise my AS, but a support worker who has only recently started working with Autistic adults and who does not have much experience in this field, recently came out with these comments and left me feeling hurt and upset, although in other respects I get on with him. I feel like I am a fake, that my identity is being questioned, and it makes me feel unhappy, like I will be a perpetual outsider, not fitting in anywhere. I don't wish to be defined by asperger's, but it is nevertheless such a big part of my identity and I am so proud of my achievements and successes with regard to fighting back against my anxiety and the negative side of my AS and how my experiences have shaped me as a person. I always feel like I have to justify myself and it makes me feel so tense and upset. Anyway, I felt like replying, what am I supposed to look like as a person with AS? Am I supposed to hardly talk, to be rude and non-compliant or highly distracted?.

Has anyone else with high-fuunctioning AS experienced similar issues? I do feel so unhappy at the moment, but maybe I am being too analytical and taking things too far.

Parents

  • People at my school (when they found out I have aspergers) seemed to suddenly expect me to have some sort of meltdown and began treating me like a child ready to have a tantrum at any second. In all honesty the attention scared me half to death, I've survived this long by being invisible, keeping to my own tiny social circle and avoiding those that I feel would target me for my differences.

    Most of my family refuse to believe I'm 'truly' someone with AS as I have a younger cousin who was diagnosed before me who is further down on the spectrum, meaning he struggles a lot more, whereas I am simply 'a freak/weird/anti-social/occassionally difficult' child, as though I choose to feel scared, awkward and tense when forced to socialise for long periods of time.

    What people need to realise is this:

    Its called the Autistic SPECTRUM for a reason.

    We're all individual, just like the 'norms', and we all show our AS in our own way. Mine is apparently obvious enough to strangers that many ostracise me from their social groups, yet I am increadably outgoing and trusting amoung my (albiet small) group of friends.

    One of my favourite parts of my AS is my tendency to be increadibly blunt and brutally honest at the same time, so I'm not afraid to state my point. When someone claims that I can't possibly have AS and that I'm just awkward, I would simply state that they don't know me well enough to make that judgement. I'd probably get angry and snipe at them with harsh truths if they try to argue against my diagnosis but the point still stands. I'm me, they're not. I have it, they don't.

    Your support worker is there to help you and to learn about VARIOUS forms of AS. If you don't happen to fit into their little stereotypical 'slot', tough.

    Be proud of who you are and what you've achieved, because only you and those close to you can truly appreciate you for who you are, and thats what matters.

Reply

  • People at my school (when they found out I have aspergers) seemed to suddenly expect me to have some sort of meltdown and began treating me like a child ready to have a tantrum at any second. In all honesty the attention scared me half to death, I've survived this long by being invisible, keeping to my own tiny social circle and avoiding those that I feel would target me for my differences.

    Most of my family refuse to believe I'm 'truly' someone with AS as I have a younger cousin who was diagnosed before me who is further down on the spectrum, meaning he struggles a lot more, whereas I am simply 'a freak/weird/anti-social/occassionally difficult' child, as though I choose to feel scared, awkward and tense when forced to socialise for long periods of time.

    What people need to realise is this:

    Its called the Autistic SPECTRUM for a reason.

    We're all individual, just like the 'norms', and we all show our AS in our own way. Mine is apparently obvious enough to strangers that many ostracise me from their social groups, yet I am increadably outgoing and trusting amoung my (albiet small) group of friends.

    One of my favourite parts of my AS is my tendency to be increadibly blunt and brutally honest at the same time, so I'm not afraid to state my point. When someone claims that I can't possibly have AS and that I'm just awkward, I would simply state that they don't know me well enough to make that judgement. I'd probably get angry and snipe at them with harsh truths if they try to argue against my diagnosis but the point still stands. I'm me, they're not. I have it, they don't.

    Your support worker is there to help you and to learn about VARIOUS forms of AS. If you don't happen to fit into their little stereotypical 'slot', tough.

    Be proud of who you are and what you've achieved, because only you and those close to you can truly appreciate you for who you are, and thats what matters.

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