• Replies 2 replies
  • Subscribers 77 subscribers
  • Views 823 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Establishing and Autistic identity for me

JDW

My diagnosis has been a long time coming 41 years to be exact and now I have it those around me who I thought would be most supportive have dissapointed me. Even my wife who has an Autistic daughter treats my Autism so differently and says some really absurd things. Last night for instance she was feeling sorry for herself, as people do I guess, and she said now I have my diagnosis will this be the end of it? I replied was her daughters diagnosis the end of her Autism? It is very dissapointing how differently she expects my Autism to affect me just because I am an adult. 

I understand that my wife is a little but ashamed of my Autism and any time my diagnosis comes up we end up in some sort of stalemate. I know she does not see how important 'the answer' is to me and perhaps it is remiss of me to expect her to. 

Apparently it is not good to let my Autism define me, my argument is Autism sa part of me I cannot remove at will. I suggest my Autism is what is not good for her.

I guess I need know if these issues are familiar to people. I have always thought and been told that I have a sustainability issue when it come to relationships but I think it's my wife that is struggling with sustainability. For once in my life doors are opening up for me and I am at last getting the help I need. I have even been classified as a vulnerable adult and been placed on a high priority list with my local council, some months back we nearly split up and I was in danger of being homeless. I Now have more options for my future which has given me more confidence and hope....perhaps that is why my wife is so threatened.

I apologise for moaning on here but it is a big issue for me and I am struggling to understand other peoples reaction to something that has given me such hope.

James

  • Frankly my life has been chaotic, I suspected something was wrong but couldnever really put my finger on it and the health care professionals have never really helped much. I have been married three times with numerous other relationshiops and had well over 35 different jobs none of which lasted longer than 2.5 years. I knew this was not normal but had no recourse to get help.

    I do like your approach though.

  • I was quite disturbed to find that my asperger personality largely followed a bluprint written in text books. Having had to make a way for myself for years, and fight for an identity, finding so much predetermined was a bit of an "earthquake". So I do try to live over and above it.

    However I recognise it may be harder for people to escape the confines it seems to create. I was diagnosed at 55, when I had had time to develop an independent sense of identity. I recognise it hits most people earlier in adulthood, or in childhood. I remind myself though that it is about social interchange, self-management and focus issues - which don't define all of my life, just some things.

    Was your life defined by autism before you got diagnosed? Is it necessary to let it predetermine how you live now?