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I don't really know what i'm doing on here...

Steppyhen

Hi, I'm a 26 year old male who was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome in December last year.

I feel so confused and i don't know what to do or who to turn to or even the right questions to ask.

My diagnosis which took just under a year altogether, from my GP telling me there's nothing wrong with me, to me speaking to someone from the primary care of mental health team during an appointment about having counselling, who then sorted out an appointment for (I think) an initial assesment and then a 2 hour assesment recieving the diagnosis.

After my diagnosis I guess I put it to one side and didnt really tell anyone and I went about things the way I did before the diagnosis (work, home etc.). In the february I had a follow up appointment with the Doctor and Occupational health specialist that I saw when I was diagnosed, just to ask any questions etc. After this I went down hill and I have been signed off work since the end of Feb as my thoughts were very dark and I was incedibly confused about myself.

I am still very confused and I feel very lost, no-one seems to be able to help me and it's incredibly disheartening just how little people know about ASD. I think I'm expecting too much from the world, to be given some sort of instruction manuel on how to be me, the REAL me, not the me that I have lived the most of my life trying to be, the guy who is a bit strange, a little odd and doesn't quite fit in, but if I try hard enough that'll all change. I know that is not the case now, I know I'm not neurotypical, but i guess i've just conditioned myself so much over the years that I don't know who to be or how to be anymore.

someone from social services (I think) is coming tommorow but I'm not expecting anything good to come from the meeting.

I developed a negative outlook on life a while ago, that way I can either be right, or pleasently surprised.

I...don't even know if this essay i've written is just a waste of time, for me and whoever (if anyone) decides to read this. Pretty much anything would be helpful. keeping my mind off it has brought me down, yet thinking about it gets me no where.

I apologise for any spelling mistakes I may have made and I know I said that the GP said there was nothing "wrong" with me, that is not to say that I think there IS something wrong with me or anyone else on the Autism Spectrum because I don't believe that at all! I just didn't know how else to put it... If someone could suggest a different way to put it I would be extremely greatfull, especially as I find it hard to talk to people about it anyway and I wouldn't want to say something that makes people who don't understand have the wrong infomation because of me. I also apologise for this being so long, I didn't set out for it to be this long, and also for any bad punctuation, although I am what I consider to be good at English, it has never been something I have found easy.

Sorry.

Parents

  • I have had CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) 6 times in the last 7 years, 4 through the primary care of mental health team and 2 through college, most of which helped for a short time, 1 where the guy was trying to force me to change, one way was he tried to force me to have conversations with random people in the college, another time ha started asking what type of women I like. 1 of the people I saw through college really helped me but he died unexpectedly.

    The Dr who diagnosed me said that therapy wouldn't help me, but in a couple of books I have read people have found it helpful. I understand that it is a spectrum and not everyone is the same but it's things like this that confuse me.

    I've heard people say that they don't want to see a Dr even though they think they have("please insert condition here") as they don't want to be "labeled". I personally dont have a problem with the Autism label, but I guess that's because I've had at least one label since before I can remember.

    I think I'm finding accepting who I am hard because I don't know who I am, I thought I did for almost 26 years, then it was like someone said don't be stupid, that's not who you are... they just gave me a name and said that it doesn't change who I am. I don't know if I'm having some sort of identity crisis or what, my illnesses made things difficult, I mean it's hard to do your GCSE coursework when you're in hospital because your Asthma is playing up, but this makes all of that look easy.

    I hope to one day be like your friend Steff, I guess part of me is just feeling sorry for myself and wanting it all to be easy, which probably keeps alive a part of me that's in denial?

Reply

  • I have had CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) 6 times in the last 7 years, 4 through the primary care of mental health team and 2 through college, most of which helped for a short time, 1 where the guy was trying to force me to change, one way was he tried to force me to have conversations with random people in the college, another time ha started asking what type of women I like. 1 of the people I saw through college really helped me but he died unexpectedly.

    The Dr who diagnosed me said that therapy wouldn't help me, but in a couple of books I have read people have found it helpful. I understand that it is a spectrum and not everyone is the same but it's things like this that confuse me.

    I've heard people say that they don't want to see a Dr even though they think they have("please insert condition here") as they don't want to be "labeled". I personally dont have a problem with the Autism label, but I guess that's because I've had at least one label since before I can remember.

    I think I'm finding accepting who I am hard because I don't know who I am, I thought I did for almost 26 years, then it was like someone said don't be stupid, that's not who you are... they just gave me a name and said that it doesn't change who I am. I don't know if I'm having some sort of identity crisis or what, my illnesses made things difficult, I mean it's hard to do your GCSE coursework when you're in hospital because your Asthma is playing up, but this makes all of that look easy.

    I hope to one day be like your friend Steff, I guess part of me is just feeling sorry for myself and wanting it all to be easy, which probably keeps alive a part of me that's in denial?

Children
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