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initial assessment

buffy

Hi, I am a 42 year old female and I have just had an initial assessment. I have been told that I am going to be forwarded for the full assessment as the initial findings suggest I may have high functioning autism, OCD and sensory issues. I'm not sure how I feel about all this or even what any of it is going to mean for me. My friends have reacted with a mixture of "well, I thought that all along anyway" while others seemed uncertain of what to say, like they're shocked and they think it's bad news. As a person who takes cues from other people's reactions and behaviours, this has left me feeling quite anxious and I don't know which way to turn, emotionally. Is this a bad thing? Some people's reactions suggest it is. My parents also reacted in a negative way. I thought "going down the path" for a diagnosis would help me understand who I was, but now I just feel confused and anxious. Is this normal?

thanks

  • Thankyou for your kind compliments, I'm very flattered.  I've often wished that I could express myself verbally quite so eloquently!

    I confess, the way that you describe how much your son inspires you brought me to tears - that is just so wonderful to hear, and you express it beautifully.  As a non-parent, I have been stunned to find that some of the best advice I've ever heard about autism on various forums has come from some of the children who post there.  Us "grown ups" can be so blinkered and cynical sometimes, it's a real breath of fresh air!

    "Oh, it's just your autism".  Yes, indeed - even though I've known my diagnosis only a couple of months, and had it suggested only a year ago, I'm already starting to become familiar with people jumping to the conclusion that autism explains absolutely everything that I do - as if we couldn't possibly have both autism AND a personality (how greedy of us! ;-) ).

  • Hi Trogluddite

    Thanks for responding to my post, I really like the way you write, it's very expressive and easy to follow 

    I know I'll still be me whether or not I get a diagnosis, but before I started all this, I used to think I was just very different to everyone else, in a way I couldn't quite "put my finger on", maybe I was really a fairy princess or something and I'd find out I lived in another dimension where everything would finally make sense ... but no, now it seems I might have high functioning autism and OCD, I'm not sure if I like the idea of being a fairy princess better, the outcome seems more magical! 

    I'm not too bothered about other people's reactions, I've learned to live with these over the years, you see my son has severe autism and severe learning disabilities; when I am with him I have a protective force field around me which emanates from his awesome personality, so when people stare (in a positive or a negative way) I think about how he doesn't care they're staring and how brave he is. For me, it's more that my friends started saying "oh, it's just your autism", but before it was just me and my personality; am I my autism or am I me? Profound questions!

    But yes, definitely coming on here and reading everyone else's stories is inspiring. It has helped me feel not so alone in my experiences, or even, infact, that wanting and needing to be alone is ok and not weird. It's made me feel that all the things I've done in the past to re-balance my anxieties are also not peculiar. All those people that have looked at me like I've said something strange just because I've said it how I saw it, well maybe they need to be more self-aware and aware that not everyone is the same or expresses themselves in the same way.

    Overall, this forum has definitely opened up my world where I've felt so closed off before, I can relate to so much on here, so thank you and everyone else, it is both helpful and reassuring 

  • Hi Buffy, welcome to the forum.

    One thing I was told before my evaluation started has always stuck with me.  Whatever your diagnosis, you will still be you, and you will not have changed.

    An autism diagnosis is not like a diagnosis for a disease or illness.  If you are diagnosed, you haven't suddenly acquired some new and horrible problem, merely gained a better understanding of something that was always there to begin with.  And autistic conditions are not degenerative.  They stay the same throughout life and do not get worse as we age - in fact, it can improve with age, because we can gain the wisdom to deal with the issues it causes in better ways.

    A little anxiety is natural, of course - it is a very profound thing to discover about ourselves, and will take a little time to adjust to.  However, try not to be too concerned about other people's reactions.  There are a lot of misconceptions and half-truths out there about autism, and many people will base their reactions on those false ideas.  Once you understand your condition better yourself, you will be able to talk to them with the reassurance of knowing the truth.

    In the meantime, while you wait for your assessment, coming here to talk to people who live with autism and have been through the diagnostic process, is something that many people find incredibly helpful and re-assuring.

    Best wishes.