Please help

I agree with gingerman about positivity. I didn't mean my story to be emotional as such, I just wanted to present the utter contrast between the undiagnosed and then the diagnosed me. I know that your head is scrambled - I've been there too so I hope you know how sorry we are that we can't stop it, but we get it and we're with you all the way, shoulder to shoulder. You are not alone.

I've spent (and am still spending) a huge amount of time looking back at my life from a completely different perspective, and that's what I was trying to get across. I can't change my past, but I can certainly see it differently now that I know why things were the way they were. It's very hard to take sometimes, and I often feel like the hurt and confused little boy that I never grew away from, there's some powerful memories there.

But, and it's a big but, since getting my diagnosis, or as I prefer to think of it, since finding out who I am and who my community is, I've finaly got soemthing that starts to answer all those torturing questions that have haunted my life.

Having been given the power that my diagnosis handed to me, I've had to take responsibility for applying this new perspective of course, otherwise I'd just harm myself with a bitterly vengeful mindset, and that was never the point. I also have to consider what a difficult child I was to understand and deal with, and there are plenty of parents of AS children on here whose posts have helped me to understand that.

Understanding and forgiveness are freeing me from those harmful people and events, and I see nothing but good and positive things in that for me. I won't pretend it's easy, anything but, it's bloody hard work sometimes and exhausting too, but my reward is to gain peace of mind from things that previously just went round and round my head with no resolution - those 'torturing questions' I mentioned earlier. Now when tehy crop up, to some of them I can say 'Stop! No more'.

That's my positive message, hope I've made sense.

p.s. I love writing songs and making music, my only instrument is my pitch-perfect voice. I always wanted to be able to play the guitar, and I'd love a studio but I'll never have one - you've made me very jealous. Isn't it funny that we sometimes only see what people have that we want, but don't see what they have that we wouldn't touch with a bargepole? LOL

I agree with gingerman about positivity. I didn't mean my story to be emotional as such, I just wanted to present the utter contrast between the undiagnosed and then the diagnosed me. I know that your head is scrambled - I've been there too so I hope you know how sorry we are that we can't stop it, but we get it and we're with you all the way, shoulder to shoulder. You are not alone.

I've spent (and am still spending) a huge amount of time looking back at my life from a completely different perspective, and that's what I was trying to get across. I can't change my past, but I can certainly see it differently now that I know why things were the way they were. It's very hard to take sometimes, and I often feel like the hurt and confused little boy that I never grew away from, there's some powerful memories there.

But, and it's a big but, since getting my diagnosis, or as I prefer to think of it, since finding out who I am and who my community is, I've finaly got soemthing that starts to answer all those torturing questions that have haunted my life.

Having been given the power that my diagnosis handed to me, I've had to take responsibility for applying this new perspective of course, otherwise I'd just harm myself with a bitterly vengeful mindset, and that was never the point. I also have to consider what a difficult child I was to understand and deal with, and there are plenty of parents of AS children on here whose posts have helped me to understand that.

Understanding and forgiveness are freeing me from those harmful people and events, and I see nothing but good and positive things in that for me. I won't pretend it's easy, anything but, it's bloody hard work sometimes and exhausting too, but my reward is to gain peace of mind from things that previously just went round and round my head with no resolution - those 'torturing questions' I mentioned earlier. Now when tehy crop up, to some of them I can say 'Stop! No more'.

That's my positive message, hope I've made sense.

p.s. I love writing songs and making music, my only instrument is my pitch-perfect voice. I always wanted to be able to play the guitar, and I'd love a studio but I'll never have one - you've made me very jealous. Isn't it funny that we sometimes only see what people have that we want, but don't see what they have that we wouldn't touch with a bargepole? LOL