University Flatmates

At times I've had to look for house shares, but it doesn't work well for me. I don't think my face fits, and a lot of house sharers look for like minded people they feel will live around their particular lifestyle. I've always ended up in bedsits, or other own accommodation, and as far as possible my own place.

I suspect it is the same for students. It is about wanting people of a particular mindset around them. They don't want someone tidy or bothered about cleaning up if they're inclined to live in a tip. They may all be into video marathons or endless football. They may have a circle of friends round and need all the people in the share to be into that crowd. The friends may not be comfortable with someone less aligned to their interests around. They may be doing drugs. There may be a certain music preference. They may want to live off take-aways. They may be far from hygienic.

My guess is as an aspie there are things like that that would make you uncomfortable. You might be inclined to moan or complain about their mess. You might be more inclined to lock yourself in your room rather than mix in. You might not like their crowd.

So I don't think they don't like you. But more likely they want to be in a mix of their own, if you differ very much. Or simply there is someone else they want to share with next year. It might be someone doing their subject group.

I wouldn't necessarily ostracise yourself from them or appear to take it too personally. Apart from anything else their plans for next year might change. They might not pass the year. The third they wanted to join them next year might let them down. So you don't want to destroy that possibility.

Share groupings do seem to fluctuate irrespective of any obvious causes anyway.

I suggest carry on being friendly. Say you'll manage OK next year and don't talk about it further meantime.

If you have the money and open hall places (corridors not closed flats) are available, it is a way of getting a single room with less mixing with one group.

It is difficult, but sometimes it is easier to keep friends by not actually living with them. So don't throw away the friendships just because they want to go their own ways accomodation-wise next year. You have time to explore other arrangements.

At times I've had to look for house shares, but it doesn't work well for me. I don't think my face fits, and a lot of house sharers look for like minded people they feel will live around their particular lifestyle. I've always ended up in bedsits, or other own accommodation, and as far as possible my own place.

I suspect it is the same for students. It is about wanting people of a particular mindset around them. They don't want someone tidy or bothered about cleaning up if they're inclined to live in a tip. They may all be into video marathons or endless football. They may have a circle of friends round and need all the people in the share to be into that crowd. The friends may not be comfortable with someone less aligned to their interests around. They may be doing drugs. There may be a certain music preference. They may want to live off take-aways. They may be far from hygienic.

My guess is as an aspie there are things like that that would make you uncomfortable. You might be inclined to moan or complain about their mess. You might be more inclined to lock yourself in your room rather than mix in. You might not like their crowd.

So I don't think they don't like you. But more likely they want to be in a mix of their own, if you differ very much. Or simply there is someone else they want to share with next year. It might be someone doing their subject group.

I wouldn't necessarily ostracise yourself from them or appear to take it too personally. Apart from anything else their plans for next year might change. They might not pass the year. The third they wanted to join them next year might let them down. So you don't want to destroy that possibility.

Share groupings do seem to fluctuate irrespective of any obvious causes anyway.

I suggest carry on being friendly. Say you'll manage OK next year and don't talk about it further meantime.

If you have the money and open hall places (corridors not closed flats) are available, it is a way of getting a single room with less mixing with one group.

It is difficult, but sometimes it is easier to keep friends by not actually living with them. So don't throw away the friendships just because they want to go their own ways accomodation-wise next year. You have time to explore other arrangements.