managing anxiety - tips please

I think a lot of us share in the feeling of anxiety which can be overwhelming at times.

i have tried many different things like exercise, yoga, meditation, mindfulness, etc. They can sort of work, but not always.

i have found that writing my feelings down helps a lot, as I then am able to take a step back and really look at the root cause of my anxiety. It is usually fear: of not being able to meet a deadline, of saying or doing something stupid in front of other people, of feeling trapped in a crowd or a place, or of just feeling overwhelmed.

sometimes my only remedy is to sit down, take a deep breath, have a glass of wine or a favourite treat, and curl up in bed with a good book or film to distract my mind. It can reduce those endless thoughts and worries if I give myself enough time to really relax and let go.

then when I am more relaxed and less anxious, I try to figure out what I can change in my life to keep things simpler or reduce the anxiety.

but we all have different ways. Those are just the things that I have tried. 

"OK fair point. I don't want to create a new problem. It was just what I did initially, on medical advice, until I got used to verbal interrupts, which I do instinctively now."

That's good it works for you, I suppose that we are all different.  I have done this particular habit for years so it wasn't a deliberate habit/stim (and still haven't 'kicked' it, just have to be wary of it becoming maladaptive, other times it can be a helpful release for anxiety) .  Others have been fully deliberate, which have also been helpful.  Perhaps if it is something consciously done then it is less likely to become harming.  I would just say to be careful concerning body related 'interupts', that's all.

OK fair point. I don't want to create a new problem. It was just what I did initially, on medical advice, until I got used to verbal interrupts, which I do instinctively now.

The stress ball option sounds perfectly good if it achieves a comparable distrraction.

Worth mentioning here weighted blankets, weighted jackets or squeeze boxes which have had favourable reports for stress reduction. People on the spectrum don't often get, and indeed may have difficulty, with real hugs and embraces common amongst neurotypicals. So the mechanical substitute seems to work.

I certainly found heavy blankets or confined spaces/ pressing enclosure reassuring when a youngster.

"I usually suggest "interrupts", but recently the Moderators put a dampner on this by suggesting I was endorsing self-harm. But things like flicking your ear can stop you thinking negatively, even for a short time, and if you use interrupts regularly you can substitute a phrase like "stop this now", just enough to interrupt the worry cycle so you forget where you were and have to start again.'

Longman excellent comments but I do understand the moderators view on this particular view- for me personally it can easily tip into a mild self-harming mechanism (ie. which reinforces my negative feelings physically and thus becomes a maladaptive coping strategy) without me even realising- I have recently had my attention indavertently drawn to this by a clever observer.  I suppose this may depend on the person.  I have to be careful regarding this.  I would suggest something else that doesn't involve the body- for example a stressball or whatever works for that particular person.  I agree  that this does 'interupt' the thinking and gives it a physical outlet- something I have been amazed to discover the power of. 

Hi treeswaving,

I put this post on the other thread but I don't know if you saw it.  Things that help me:

- essential oils .eg lavander in an oil burner

- stress ball, putty etc.- especially to have handy when somewhere stressful

- mindfulness practice- daily

- warm fabric bag (microwavable)

- reduce sensory input eg. close curtains and lie down in a quiet place with a blanket when I feel my mind starts to 'run' ie. too many thoughts which leads to lack of coping- I have discovered that when I am tired that my mind starts to go into overload mode.

I found these out by thinking of what sort of sensory things I like, these soothe me a lot and in turn help to quieten and balance my mind- depending on my particular feelings at that time some work better than other.  However counselling I received helped me to identify my feelings and sensory needs in the first place.  If cbt is making you feel like a failure then maybe it isn't with the right therapist (? I wouldn't like to say this as I don't know).  However I don't think it would ever be easy to do such a programme as we often have a lot of issues to overcome etc..

I know how you feel, been there and got that T shirt.

Another thing to add is that there may be some real pressures in your life and that you are actually suffering from proper clinical stress. Trying to deal with the anxiety without trying to sort your life out may not work very well except that if you can manage your anxiety batter you may be more able to sort other things out.

If you are on the spectrum then your life will be more difficult. Everything is just harder in subtle ways and we often end up needing a diagnosis when it all gets too much. Getting a diagnosis can add stress too since there is another thing to worry about. It can help too as you can work out how to deal with your life better but it is a real shock to the system.

thank you for replying. i've found all these suggestions really helpful and will try them out.

i can manage anxiety that is specific, e.g. getting worried about going somewhere, as i can talk myself through it, arrange my exit strategy, plan my route and a spare one in case it doesn't go well etc.

but i'm finding the waking up in sheer panic for no reason really hard (not bad dreams)

some days i feel like everything is just moving inside me and i can't slow it down. my heart doesn't race like books on anxiety state, but it's like every cell in my body is agitated andmoving... it's really hard to describe and so hard to stop it once it starts.

i hate having to take drugs, but without them i can't function at all.

Excellent replies people!

I have found that more control equals less anxiety. This might not be the case for you Treeswaving, but if it is use Longman's idea of writing things down and then work out how you can have more control over the things that worry you.

Another approach is to ask yourself 'what makes me happy, what makes me feel good?' and then do more of these things that build your happiness and self-esteem.

Remember that there is a reason for your anxiety, you are worried about keeping yourself safe.

Aspie brains are physically built so they are extra susceptible to over-thinking and we miss a lot of the social input that non-aspie get that continuously provides guidance and references to less catastrophic ways of thinking. The root cause of the anxiety lies in the physiology but the brain is also susceptible to persuasion and training.

So, my understaning is that we might have to try harder to study what other people do. We can also decide to filter the signals that we expose ourselves to. We can recognise and avoid situations that will cause us distress. 

We can decide to listen to a symphony rather than listen to the silence and whatever ramblings our brains will generate in the absence of any other input.

Our brains are immensely complex and powerful and they provide a large amount of control and choice about the signals that we receive. CBT and mindfulness etc are about exercising choice in controlling our own environments and what the brain is given to work on at any given time.

I find it useful to use these techniques and I believe that I can sometimes exercise more control about my environment and hence my thought processes.

Drugs are useful for some things, and you may get some benefit from them but many aspies find that the usual drugs don't work as they are really designed for other mind chemistry problems that Aspie's often don't have.

I think I can relate to this very much, anxiety has been a constant in my life for as long as I can remember, I have tried many things over the years.

I am hesitant to recommend it as it is known to be addictive but to be honest I feel codeine has I feel helped me over the past few years - I get so wound up from stress and anxiety that the distress pain becomes physical to me, and a further barrier in terms of social interaction, and then affecting sleep and diet and so-on, compounding my issues. 

I had not heard of pregablin before I might mention it to my doctor.

I'm certainly not attempting to imply that such therapies are useless, but I do get a bit frustated at times if people try and treat my anxiety and stress as a purely psychological issue, as I assume that there must be some essentially neurological basis, affecting sensory perception, cognitive processing and so-on presumably.

Sorry, I don't have any answers at all - but I just wanted to say that I feel like I can relate so much, the struggle with stress and anxiety is on going and affects me on a daily basis.

Get your anxieties down on paper. Keep a notebook and both list the anxieties and details about individual anxieties.

This does two things. It puts the anxieties somewhere else other than just in your head. Also you can go through the written list regularly to see if there are anxieties you can readily resolve. That might involve asking someone for advice on a specific incident or talking to a therapist.

The thing you need to avoid is negative reinforcement. This is part of the mechanism of spiralling anxiety. You start exploring outcomes or consequences of something you are anxious about, and start visualising all the worst possible scenarios, overr and over again. It is important to convince yourself that most of these outcomes are never likely to happen

The old adage "count your blessings" may be useful here. Every evening find a quiet moment and think through the day, and think about what worked out well. In other words look for positives in each day to offset the negatives.

Also watch who you discuss anxieties with. Some Neurotypicals take enormous pleasure in making depressed people more unhappy by focussing on the negatives. I don't understand the mentality of these people but you need to be on the look out, and if they are making you more unhappy avoid talking to them.

I usually suggest "interrupts", but recently the Moderators put a dampner on this by suggesting I was endorsing self-harm. But things like flicking your ear can stop you thinking negatively, even for a short time, and if you use interrupts regularly you can substitute a phrase like "stop this now", just enough to interrupt the worry cycle so you forget where you were and have to start again.

No doubt the Mods will come along and suggest something else is wrong with this advice - I do wish they knew more about living with autism.

Listen to some music or a podcast? I found that listening to Radio 4 podcasts such as The Life Scientific, In Our Time, All In the Mind, Thinking Allowed all helped get me back in a more positive groove. I have them saved on my phone and can listen to them when I want.

As I understand it (I'm starting to read more on this) this is a mindfulness technique. You need to bring yourself back to something in the here and now that engages your mind and distracts you away from the runaway thoughts.

Other people have other tricks but this has worked for me over the last year :-)

some days the anxiety is just so overwhelming.

and for no reason at all...

it feelslike i am going to explode... i try and take deep breaths, but it is suchanawful feeling.

i know prevention is better than cure, but what can you do to calm down once everything is racing so fast?